brendeg,
Have you ever user a wood conditioner. Many different companies make this product for the reason of the uneven staining. Cabinet makers have used tihis for years to gain the even looking color. The first thing to remember is that when you apply the conditioner, you must apply the stain within a 2 hour period or the result will be "blotchy". I use the Minwax Soft Wood Conditioner, but, many other brands are available.