One grin guaranteed!
See I told you so.
Gabby
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and S***head's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas.. I really wanted a screamer or a
moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you
tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning.
19. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
20. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
21. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
22. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
23. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
24. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
