~ I am a bomb squad technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
~ I am a mental tourist. My mind wanders.
~ I am a Nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.
~ I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious self-righteous people around me.
~ I am having an out-of-money experience.
~ I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
~ I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
~ I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
~ I am not evil. Just divinely challenged.
~ I did NOT escape. They gave me a day pass.
~ I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
~ I didn't trip. I was testing gravity. It still works.
~ I don't mind going to work. But that 8-hour wait to go home is awful!
~ I eat my coffee straight from the can. Why dilute it?
~ I had a life once... traded it for a bigger flash drive.
~ I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
~ I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
~ I have a mind like a steel ... you know ... doohicky.
~ I have a super power. I can read my own thoughts.
~ I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ I have to power walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
~ I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
~ I know a guy who does the work of three men...Moe, Larry & Curly.
~ I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift," but couldn't people think a bit bigger?!
~~~GB~~~
