Only In A Stupid World

[jscott2]

Only in a stupid world do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in a stupid world do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

Only in a stupid world do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in a stupid world do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
                   
Only in a stupid world do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in a stupid world do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a Broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why isn't there cat-flavoured dog food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?  Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[Hawkdave]

Now you've started something....

Why do they have locks on 24 hour stores?

Why do they have a used by date on Sour Cream?

If the house gets dirty by itself, why can't it clean itself?

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.

My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, he takes something for it.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Why is stuff sent on ships called "cargo" and parcels by road called shipments?"

What's the speed of dark?

Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Did Noah keep his bees in ArcHives?


Dave.

[dirtrider73068]

Why do you park in a driveway, but drive in a parkway?

[jscott2]

OK, a few more.

If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why get even, when you can get odd?   (That's me.   )   

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?  Don't know, but they sure taste good.)

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

Have a good day.

[Marcellarius]

LOL

[Rapid Roger]

There are some real good ones in that list!
I've heard some of them before but they still bring a chuckle anytime and gives one cause to pause and think a bit.

Rog

[Dan26]

Hehe...you guys are a riot! Thanks for the chuckles.

[Hawkdave]

This one is a true one, I forgot to add it to the list in the previous post.

I had a stint in hospital in 2009....The nurse woke me up to give me my sleeping pill. Go figure.

Dave.

[Jim-78028]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a.replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird, now they take prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?