Funny Words and Strange Names

[IBMer]

I was just thinking of some of the funny words people use.   I spend much of my day on conference calls with people from all over the world discussing issues.    I always chuckle a little when I hear people talk about a "Computer Dump"..  All I can picture is a computer sitting in private stall reading a newspaper.     A while back I was on a call with a man in China with the first name spelled and pronouced "Butt-Wang".   For 3 hours, I couldn't help but snicker a little to myself.    Maybe it's a popular name in Asia, but it sounds odd here.

My step son hurt himself with a Pencil when he was maybe 6 or 7 years old.   He had to go to the Emergency Room to have a piece of pencil removed from his ear.   The doctor told him that he was lucky not to have pierced his Ear Drum.   The next morning he ran into class and told his teacher that he stuck a pencil into his Rectum.   My ex-wife could have died from the embarrassment.   Fortunately she was there to correct him and explain that he meant his Ear Drum...     I can't even imagine what was going through his teacher's mind when she hear him...   Pencil + Rectum = Eardrum..

So, What words, names or phrases make you chuckle?    Please keep it Clean please...   Share your stories of misheard words..   

[Rapid Roger]

BOY!!! You have opened a can of worms here!! 

Names..... I once knew a rather large woman who's last name was "Lightfoot" !
 When I was just a boy,our neighbors name was "Sidebottom"
In the Air Force we had a "Lt. Stupar".(guess what his nickname was..behind his back of course) and a "Major Major" (really!)
The smallest guy in our units last name was "Bear" and when it was found out that we had a guy who's real name was "Shirley Fontnot Jr." the laughs seemed to never stop.

Rog   

[Dan26]

Not a name, but along the same lines, my son was about 4 he said, "I see a robin." My neighbor asked how he knew it was a robin. He said, "It's brown and has a red belly, and a yellow dick." I said, "I think he means beak."

As for names, my best friend in high school dated Holly Wood. Another friend went to school with Shanda Lear. And another friend had a sister named Crystal who was dating Charlie Ball, but they never got married.

[mrsn]

My husband, a plumber, once worked for a company called Doody Mechanical. They had company shirts he had to wear. The first time he came home with doody on his shirt I laughed so hard. I still giggle a bit when I think about it.

[IBMer]

Just thought of a few more.  I saw a list of names, Last Name First, First Name last.    The guy's name that caught my attention was Frank Long..   Now flip it.

We live near a town Fuquay-Varina.    My daughter wrote a story when she was little that she loved going to F U C * W A Y VARINA because that is where her aunt lives.   She spelled it the same way a few times in the story.   Her teacher didn't say word or point out the incorrect spelling.


Knew a guy with the last name Kotex...  

Had a long Instant Message conversation with a guy in india that kept asking me to BARE with him..   I finally told him the difference between BARE and BEAR.   And no, I would not BARE with him under any circumstance, just not interested.

And Finally, I live on OLD BRICK Ct..  More than once I've received mail with the address listed as OLD PR*CK Court...   I'm still not sure if they were trying to tell me something, or if B sounds too much like P..   Now I make sure to Spell it out for them BRICK, like building brick...  BRAVO, ROBERT, INDIA, CHARLIE, KILO....    

[troy_curtis]

I am a word person. Have a list of funny sounding words. Some of my favorites are: saltsage, caucus, quiche dish, galoshes, and kumquat. 

[wombatie]

I once worked in a garage and a gentleman rang to speak to the used car salesman and I told him he needed to speak to Mr. Salt but he was not available.  He said he would ring back, when he did he asked to speak to Mr. Pepper.  Of course I laughed very loudly and he explained because he could not find a pen he would remember it by word association, unfortunately the wrong one.

My favorite character in the Simpson's  that I only watch about once a year is the doctor, Dr. Hibbert because I love his laugh.  My daughter got an appointment with a doctor, called Dr Hibbert, but I call him Doctor HaHaHaHa.  Now overtime she sees him she thinks of me and has to look away. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Marg

[mlwmerk]

My oldest daughter was delivered by Doctor Pepper!! 

There used to be a renowned facial reconstructive surgeon in Chicago named Doctor Slaughter. 

I know of a hemotologist named Doctor Bloodgood.

If Olivia John married Tommy John (former big league baseball pitcher) would her married name be Olivia John John?

There used to be a Chicago Bears lineman whose last name was Newton.  Guess what his nickname was - "Big Fig"

The Air Force calls the B-52 the "BUFF" for Big Ugly Flying "Machine".  I cleaned that one up.

I used to know a guy named Shirley Bone.

When I was in the U.S. Army there was a guy in our unit whose last name was "Driver".  He was not the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Every time the First Sergeant yelled out for the guy who was supposed to operate the truck to take us some where, this guy would come running yelling "Here Sergeant".  This went on for 9 weeks of basic training.  Guess where the Army assigned him - the Infantry

I knew a guy named John Goodfellow.  No he was not in the Mafia.

I knew a jeweler named Goldsmith.

I knew a Proctologist whose name was Doctor John Pyle.

All True.  Seriously.  I collect odd names.

Hows about the famous Sergeant Stryker played by John Wayne in "Sands of Iwo Jima"?

[cdrover(Clyde)]

This is interesting. I am watching to see where this will take us. My contributions are.

I once knew a man by the name of Richard Edward Bird, but he was called Dick ( short for Richard) so his name was Dick E. Bird

My son when he was very young called Dill Pickles, dick pickles and while at the supermarket one day he asked an employee where they were kept.

I work is a community called, "Dildo". The dept of Transportation have lost so many road signs that they now keep extras on hand.

[IBMer]

Carnage Middle School in Raleigh NC, need I say more?  What where they thinking.

My family doctor's practice is located on Bush St.    Hmmmmm...

My doctor said I'm due for a prostrate exam..  I asked "Why, did my check bounce"?

I saw the area of this forum titled Spam and Porn Posts....    That's a Misleading Title...    Disappointing..

[king310]

Sometimes it is hard to get all of the nuts out of the tree. I will expound about this

My folks owned several small grocery stores in several rural towns. There was this couple who were supervised by DHS. They were allowed to live on their own and the store employees helped DHS by watching what they bought and made sure they did not waste their food allowance on junk food.
While I was working for my folks by making some repairs at this store the couple came in and was shopping when the were in the feminine hygiene isle. The man looked at her and said that is what we should name our baby! The decided it was a good name and said MAXI it is!
Needless to say DHS did not know she was pregnant and eventually the child was taken and placed in foster care.

[IBMer]

Saw a Septic Tank truck with the Motto "Your Number 2, is our Number 1"...    

Saw a plumbing van where they put an image of a man sitting on a toilet on the driver side door.  So effectively when you see it drive by, it looks like the driver is sitting on the can.   Pretty creative for sure.   

[king310]

IBMer we have one of those septic tank trucks here. He has a big ol buzzard on it and it is called the Turd Herst. My neighbor behind me is a sign maker and he did the work.

[IBMer]

Turd Herst. My neighbor behind me is a sign maker and he did the work.

It's a smelly job, but someone's got to do it...

[alien11]

When he was about 2 years old, my grandson had problems with the name of one of the big home building stores - he called it "Home Dopey".