Author Topic: Redneck joke  (Read 1406 times)

Offline Keefie

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Redneck joke
« on: May 17, 2012, 06:29:37 pm »
Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
It's all a case of "Mind over Matter",  The Government don't Mind, and I don't Matter.

Offline cdrover(Clyde)

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2012, 07:07:43 pm »
 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D  heard that one before but always brings a laugh.  Thanks again Keefie
What are we here for but to help others. (Author unknown)
Clyde

Offline wombatie

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2012, 03:56:56 am »
First time I have seen that one, love it, love it, love it.
 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Marg
MARG

No one notices what I do until I'm not here to do it............

rob roy

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2012, 06:23:46 pm »
I've seen it too Marg, my mother sent it to me years ago lol.
Rob Roy.

Offline Marcellarius

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2012, 05:07:16 am »
great!!! LOL
Marcel

sometimes I make designer firewood....

Offline slowcutter

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2012, 02:40:39 pm »
I think I know the gal that wrote that letter.
If I remember right she had to use a 3 cent stamp on it.
JP

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M - iracles
I - n
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E - veryday

Dawie

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Re: Redneck joke
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2012, 01:25:57 am »
 :D That's a golden oldie, but still love it. It is even available in Afrikaans, I read it in South Africa years ago.
Funny how some things go international.
David

 

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