Oklahoma Declares War on the USA
The president was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, Mr. President? a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at The Catfish King in downtown Idabel, Oklahoma, and I am callin' to tell y'all that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," the president replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole sales team from the Dairy Queen. That makes eight!"
The president paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" the president asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
The president sighed, "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day?
"Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harold's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
The president was silent for a minute then cleared his throat "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two million."
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "I'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "Mr. President, I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said the president. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few drinks, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
