Good for a chuckle or 2
Gabby
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:
"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
His mind sees things differently than most of us do. . .
Here are some of his gems:
? I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
? Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
? Half the people you know are below average.
? 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
? 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
? A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
? If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
? All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
? The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
? I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... but she left me before we met.
? OK, so what's the speed of dark?
? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
? When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
? Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
? Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
? I intend to live forever.... so far, so good.
? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
? What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
? My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
? A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking..
? Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
? The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
? To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
? The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
? The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
? The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
? Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
? If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
? If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work
