Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50
years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs
and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the
SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
program ( System Covering Retired-Early Workers ).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS ( Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse ) or HERPES ( Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance ).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any
further by Congress.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ( E.V.I.L. )
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and
oil, as well as current market conditions, the "Light at the End of the
Tunnel" has been turned off.
