A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a
fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly
noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the
woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled,
apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared. The waitress, thinking
this was a bit risque behaviour that might offend other diners, went over to
the table and tactfully, began by saying to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am ,
but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked
in the door."
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
God replied: " I didn't recognize you."
