706
The Coffee Shop / Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT
« on: December 12, 2012, 10:12:38 am »
Beautiful, thanks for sharing
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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707
The Coffee Shop / Re: BRRRRRRRR!!! Baby Its Cold Outside!!!!
« on: December 12, 2012, 10:07:41 am »
16 here with a high of 34 and we have a ton of snow...............Snowmobilers are happy!!
708
The Coffee Shop / Re: ornaments
« on: December 12, 2012, 10:05:05 am »
Beautiful ornaments. love them all.
709
The Coffee Shop / Re: My secret Santa ornamet.
« on: December 12, 2012, 10:04:17 am »
Beautiful ornaments. Wonder if you could downsize the pattern and make it into a pin?
711
Pattern Requests. / Re: Christmas Stocking Ornament
« on: December 11, 2012, 05:22:54 pm »great pattern Russ, Thanks for my copy.
712
The Coffee Shop / Gotta Love Shopping at Costco
« on: December 11, 2012, 03:33:16 pm »Shopping at COSTCO
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco/(Price Smart). Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.... He pours the sample into the slot and waits..
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco..."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .
The computer prints the following:
?Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
?Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7)
?Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
?Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours... Get a lawyer.
?If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
?Thank you for shopping @ Costco!
Merry Christmas y'all
713
The Coffee Shop / The Christmas Party (we have all been to one of these)
« on: December 11, 2012, 03:31:56 pm »Tuesday - 12/11/2012
Christmas party
This is priceless and, unfortunately, too close to the truth.
Have a laugh!
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you ****** wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The b!?$h from Hell!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2012
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Enjoy!! Chelcass
714
The Coffee Shop / Re: Winter Wonderland
« on: December 10, 2012, 03:05:07 pm »
I have the same problem! I set my scrollsaw up in my back bedroom. Warm and toasty!
715
The Coffee Shop / Re: Christmas tree bargain
« on: December 10, 2012, 03:03:00 pm »
Sounds like a good deal to me. 
716
The Coffee Shop / Re: My secret Santa is here "Dan"
« on: December 10, 2012, 11:10:48 am »
My thoughs and prayers go out to you and yours in this time of sadness. My god place is hands on brother in law and ease his pain and suffering.
God Bless, Chelcass
God Bless, Chelcass
717
The Coffee Shop / Re: This is worth taking a moment from your busy schedule to watch
« on: December 10, 2012, 11:08:44 am »
Awesome!!!! Thank you for sharing.
718
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Man Song
« on: December 09, 2012, 06:00:50 pm »
OMG! I'm still wiping tears from my eyes from laughting so hard.
719
The Coffee Shop / Re: Secret Santa Arrived!
« on: December 09, 2012, 05:07:25 pm »
Very Very nice. Looks like a color wash. Probably acrylic thinnned out.
720
Brag Forum / Re: my christmas ornaments
« on: December 09, 2012, 05:03:28 pm »
Very nice ornaments, Rocking Bike!!!!!
