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Messages - Kepy

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406
General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: What kind of scroll saw do you own?
« on: July 31, 2010, 05:48:04 pm »
In 197?, I bought a used Delta scrolling jigsaw at a yard sale which I used for 20 yrs.  I then got a Delta Q3 which I used for several years when I added 3 Delta ss350's and a Delta 20".  I currently have all of them except for the 20" and have added a Hawk 220 which I use most of the time.  I would sometime like to have an Excalibur or 26" Hawk but probably won't make it in this lifetime.

407
The Coffee Shop / Only a Texas man can make you feel like a woman
« on: July 30, 2010, 05:09:50 pm »
Only a Texas man can make you feel like a woman

    A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things

    went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.



    One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and

    screamed, "I'm too young to die," she cried. Then she yelled, "If I'm going

    to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on

    this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"



    For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in

    the front of the plane. Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the

    plane.



    He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.



    Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went,

    one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled

    across his chest. She gasped... Then, he spoke...



    "Iron this -- and then get me a beer."

408
The Coffee Shop / For those over 50
« on: July 29, 2010, 10:37:18 am »
                This is for the over 50 generation:

                I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

                I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses,

                 

                 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way.

                 

                 I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

                That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon,

                 

                Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my

                 

                 cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

                My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel

                 

                 movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone

                 

                in the garage in my golf bag.

                The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and

                 

                 then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench

                 

                 

                 with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and

                 

                was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50

                 

                 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it,
                and I got a little loud.

                I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most

                 

                 annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would

                 

                sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating".  You would think that she could be nicer.

                 

                It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me

                 

                to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

                When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while

                 

                 she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

                To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house.

                 

                 We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all

                 

                at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and

                 

                 the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

                The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to

                 

                 the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden

                 

                 "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those

                 

                 cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

                Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say,

                 

                 "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual."  Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

                I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."



                 



                 


                 


             

             

         

         

         

         

         

     

 

 

 

409
The Coffee Shop / Re: "PRIDE"....
« on: July 27, 2010, 09:53:47 pm »
I just had to send this one to a 92 year old cousin.  She is the source of a lot of the jokes I receive.

410
The Coffee Shop / No one believes seniors
« on: July 27, 2010, 09:42:28 pm »
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

            An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you Sally."

            On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, "We've got to give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

            The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

            The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning." Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...." The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here!"


411
General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: Sooooooooooo Slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
« on: July 25, 2010, 08:36:01 am »
Didn't notice the slow as my satellite server was down since Fri sometime so this is my first time online since Fri am.  Was surely having withdrawal symptoms.

412
General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: Thanks so much to Steve
« on: July 13, 2010, 08:37:25 am »
Ditto!  I couldn't have said it better.

413
The Coffee Shop / More Maxine
« on: July 13, 2010, 06:07:06 am »
Maxine on "Driver Safety"

      "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......






      Maxine on "Lawn Care"

      "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."






      Maxine on "The Perfect Man"

      "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away..

      Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."






      Maxine on "Technology Revolution"

      "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."






      Maxine on "Aging"

      "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."









414
The Coffee Shop / Re: Some things to ponder!
« on: July 12, 2010, 01:38:36 pm »
I don't know how we survived but most of us did without any problem.  Remember heading to the swimming hole with kids riding on the front fenders and also no chlorine in the water.  Did have leeches though that had to be picked off.

415
The Coffee Shop / My private part died
« on: July 12, 2010, 07:58:44 am »
MY PRIVATE PART
DIED



An old
man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing
home.

One day he
appeared to be very sad and
depressed.

Nurse
Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes,
Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr.
Wallace.

'My
Private Part died today, and I am very
sad.'

Knowing
her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a
little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr.
Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.'

The
following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall
with his Private Part hanging out of his
pajamas.

He met
Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't
be walking down the hall like
that.

Please put
your Private Part back inside your
pajamas.'

'But,
Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you
yesterday that my Private Part
died.

'Yes,'
said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is
it hanging out of your
pajamas?'


'Well,'
he replied, 'Today is the
viewing.'

416
The Coffee Shop / Cow, Ant and old Fart
« on: July 12, 2010, 07:55:45 am »
Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart
> >>
> >>
> >> A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of
> >> the
> >> three of them.
> >>
> >> The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the
> >> greatest!!
> >>
> >> The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times
> >> my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...
> >>

417
General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: Pine vs Polar
« on: July 12, 2010, 07:14:28 am »
If you can find a lumber yard that carries Eastern white pine, you will like the wood.  Cuts and finishes great.  The white wood at the box stores is something else again.  Poplar cuts nice but be careful if it has a greenish cast as will finish funny.

418
The Coffee Shop / Re: WD-40....
« on: July 05, 2010, 06:32:39 pm »
Isn't it great?  Will also kill woodworms in antique furniture without harming the furniture.

419
The Coffee Shop / The Goldberg brothers
« on: July 05, 2010, 06:28:49 pm »

            The  four Goldberg  Brothers


            The four  Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented  and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.  On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was  97 degrees.

            The four brothers walked into old man, Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into  telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most  exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

            Henry was curious and invited them into  his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

            They  persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the  car off immediately.

            The old man got very excited  and invited them back to the office, where he offered  them $3 million for the patent.

            The brothers  refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but  they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The  Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car  in which it was installed.

            Now old man Ford was  more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no  way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

            They haggled back and forth for about two  hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just  their first names would be shown.

            And so to this  day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and  Max -- on the controls.



            I can hear your groans from here.   Control yourself !!!
              I don't write this  stuff, I just forward it.










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- Show quoted text -







            The  four Goldberg  Brothers


            The four  Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented  and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.  On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was  97 degrees.

            The four brothers walked into old man, Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into  telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most  exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

            Henry was curious and invited them into  his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

            They  persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the  car off immediately.

            The old man got very excited  and invited them back to the office, where he offered  them $3 million for the patent.

            The brothers  refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but  they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The  Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car  in which it was installed.

            Now old man Ford was  more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no  way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

            They haggled back and forth for about two  hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just  their first names would be shown.

            And so to this  day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and  Max -- on the controls.



            I can hear your groans from here.   Control yourself !!!
              I don't write this  stuff, I just forward it.












420
The Coffee Shop / Catholic shampoo
« on: July 05, 2010, 06:27:07 pm »
WHILE SHOPPING IN A FOOD STORE, TWO NUNS HAPPEN TO PASS BY
          THE BEER COOLER.  ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL  BEER
          OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING."

          THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED,"INDEED IT WOULD SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL
          COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER AS I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE
          CHECKOUT STAND."

          "I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" SHE REPLIED AS SHE
          PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

          THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A
          SIX-PACK OF BEER.  "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID,  "A
          SHAMPOO, OF SORT, IF YOU WILL."

          WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE
          COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.  HE THEN
          LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED AND SAID, "THE CURLERS ARE ON
          THE  HOUSE."

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