Messages

211

The Coffee Shop / Southern home protection

« on: January 31, 2013, 11:12:56 pm »

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to the Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.
3. put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines
4. Leave a note that reads....

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer.
Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls.  They got the mailman
this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part,
but it was hard to tell from all the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four
of 'em in the house.  Better wait outside. Be right back,  Cooter.

212

The Coffee Shop / Hillbilly vasectomy

« on: January 30, 2013, 07:20:24 pm »

 
 
HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
 
 
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough,
as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and  his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.


The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly
alternative,' said the doctor, 'is  to go home, get a cherry bomb,
(fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS),
then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'


The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the
shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to  count!


'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'

( you'll love  this...)



At which point he paused, placed the beer can  between his legs,
and.......continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Kentucky,
Mississippi , Parts of Georgia, West Virginia, and All of Washington  DC.

213

General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: Advice on Used Scroll Saw Purchase

« on: January 30, 2013, 09:23:41 am »

You may want to consider either a palm sander or a random orbit as either would work fine.  Also, a benchtop drill press would help as it is sometimes difficult to get the holes straight with a hand drill.
If he would take off a $100, I would go with the used saw, otherwise go with the new.

214

General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: How To....

« on: January 30, 2013, 09:17:22 am »

You might try stacking two of the 1/4" pieces.  This should give you better control.

215

The Coffee Shop / Re: How I Got Started In the Hobby Of Scrolling

« on: January 28, 2013, 10:01:45 am »

My first scrolling was with a coping saw in 1951 while at camp (I still have it).  In the 60's, I attended an auction with my grandfather.  He purchased a box that had what I thought was a bunch of junk.  Turned out it was a Delta scrolling jigsaw that was all there but just in pieces.  He got a kick out of reminding me what a great pile of junk he had as I learned to cut on it.  In the 70's, I found an identical saw at a garage sale and took it home.  For several years about all I did was design a Christmas ornament every year which I sent instead of cards to family and friends.  Then got busy with career until 90 when I got caught in a hostile takeover and let go.  Moved back to the hills and bought a wholesale craft supply business.  Part of the business was cutting parts for tole painters.  Got along with the old Delta for several years but finally purchased a Delta Q3.  Have since had 3 Delta 350s, an RBI Hawk and now DeWalt 788.  Have long since retired and just cut for fun and gifts to family and friends.

216

General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: Rapidresizer Program

« on: January 24, 2013, 02:20:11 pm »

I use Rapid Resizer all the time.  Bought if off ebay for a good price several years ago.

217

The Coffee Shop / Re: And to whom do YOU make donations?

« on: December 21, 2012, 07:30:01 am »

I wrote off the Red Cross years ago.  When I was in the service, one of our young sailors had a family emergency and needed help getting home.  The Red Cross was contacted and helped him with expenses.  When he returned, he was billed for the expenses.

218

The Coffee Shop / Re: From an Ol Navy Chief (not me)

« on: November 28, 2012, 08:48:35 am »

How true, how true.  Those of us that were in the navy, know that the chiefs run the navy.

219

The Coffee Shop / Pregnant women

« on: November 22, 2012, 09:57:00 am »

A group of pregnant women and their husbands attended a prenatal class.  The instructor emphasized the importance of staying healthy during pregnancy.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," she said.  "Walking is quite beneficial.  And gentlemen, it wouldn't kill you to walk with her."
One man piped up, "Is it OK if she carries a golf bag while she's walking?"

220

The Coffee Shop / Senior Q and A

« on: November 08, 2012, 10:17:09 am »

Q: Where can men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.
 
 
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 70-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
 
 
Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: Leading cause of diminished sex drive among senior citizens ?
A: Nudity
Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
SMILE, You've still got  a your sense of humor!
 - - - - - - - - - -

221

General Scroll Saw Talk / Re: scrollsaw light

« on: November 08, 2012, 07:30:50 am »

I have a mobile flourescent that is free standing and can be moved as needed.  When not in use is out of the way.

222

General Scroll Saw Talk / fun tuesday

« on: October 31, 2012, 08:49:01 am »

Had a great day yesterday as I got to attend an estate auction.  Picked up a like new DW788, a little lumber, some hand tools, a large tarp, a couple of whetstones and a couple of sanding belt cleaning sticks plus some more small items hand tools, etc.  All for $236.
Now need to crank up the DW and get my ornament ready for mailing.

223

The Coffee Shop / Kids in the hospital

« on: October 20, 2012, 10:59:23 am »

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other,
waiting outside the Operating Room.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little
nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
when I was four.They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give
you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
The second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that
done when I was*BORN*...Couldn't walk for a year.

224

The Coffee Shop / Re: Members Health Update

« on: October 11, 2012, 08:54:44 am »

Gabby, you may be fine but be sure to have the follow up scans.  I've had 8 CT scans in the last year and a half.  I now go in every 6 mos for a check.

225

The Coffee Shop / Re: Members Health Update

« on: October 09, 2012, 10:35:24 am »

1 1/2 yrs ago I went through a bad experience with an aortal aneurism.  The repair has held up fine but it turns out that I now have another aneurism right above the heart and a smaller one right below the heart.  So far the larger is still small enough that they don't want to do anything.  It grew 3 cms in the last 6 mos.  Since I have this nasty habit of quitting breathing under anesthesia, I am not real excited about another surgery.