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Topics - GrayBeard

Pages: 1 ... 63 64 [65] 66 67 ... 117
961
The Coffee Shop / Redneck HOme Security System....
« on: April 29, 2011, 09:57:57 am »
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of 'Guns & Ammo' Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer.  Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit  bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad.  I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside.  Be right back.

Billy Joe


962
The Coffee Shop / FD Mike!
« on: April 29, 2011, 09:53:35 am »
Anyone know when Mike gets his new parts?

Praying for a speedy recovery, MIke!!!

~~~GB~~~

963
The Coffee Shop / Multi-culturalism? Is it working?
« on: April 26, 2011, 02:42:24 pm »
Interesting article!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About one dozen families who recently immigrated to Canada are demanding that the Louis Riel School Division in Winnipeg excuse their children from music and coed physical education programs for religious reasons.

The families believe music is un-Islamic -just like the Taliban believe and then imposed on the entire population of Afghanistan -and that physical education classes should be segregated by gender even in the elementary years.

The school division is facing the music in a typically Canadian way -that is, bending itself into a trombone to try to accommodate these demands, even though in Manitoba, and indeed the rest of the country, music and phys-ed are compulsory parts of the curriculum.

Officials say they may try to have the Muslim children do a writing project on music to satisfy the curriculum's requirements. The school officials have apparently consulted the Manitoba Human Rights Commission, and they have also spoken to a member of the Islamic community suggested by those very same Muslim parents.

In any event, the school district is trying to find a way to adapt the curriculum to fit the wishes of these families, rather than these families adapting to fit into the school and Canadian culture.

Mahfooz Kanwar, a member of the Muslim Canadian Congress, says he has some better ideas.

"I'd tell them, this is Canada, and in Canada, we teach music and physical education in our schools. If you don't like it, leave. If you want to live under sharia law, go back to the hellhole country you came from or go to another hellhole country that lives under sharia law," said Kanwar, who is a professor emeritus of sociology at Mount Royal University in Calgary.

That might be putting things a little more forcefully than most of us would be comfortable with, but Kanwar says he is tired of hearing about such out-of-tune demands from newcomers to our country. "Immigrants to Canada should adjust to Canada, not the other way around," he argues.

Kanwar, who immigrated to Canada from Pakistan via England and then the United States in 1966, says he used to buy into the "mosaic, official multiculturalism (nonsense)."

He makes it clear, that like most Canadians, he is pleased and enjoys that Canada has citizens literally from every country and corner in the world, as it has enriched this country immensely. But it's official multiculturalism -the state policy "that entrenches the lie" that all cultures and beliefs are of equal value and of equal validity in Canada that he objects to.

"The fact is, Canada has an enviable culture based on Judeo-Christian values -not Muslim values -with British and French rule of law and traditions and that's why it's better than all of the other places in the world. We are heading down a dangerous path if we allow the idea that sharia law has a place in Canada. It does not. It is completely incompatible with the idea and reality of Canada," says Kanwar, who in the 1970s was the founder and president of the Pakistan-Canada Association and a big fan of official multiculturalism. Kanwar says his views changed when he started listening to the people who joined his group. They badmouthed Canada, weren't interested in knowing Canadians or even in learning one of our official languages. They created cultural ghettos and the Canadian government even helped fund it.

"One day it dawned on me that the reason all of us wanted to move here was going to disappear if we didn't start defending Canada and its fundamental values." That's when Kanwar started speaking out against the dangers of official multiculturalism. He has been doing so for decades.

So, it's no surprise that Kanwar is delighted with the recent speech British Prime Minister David Cameron delivered to the 47th Munich Security Conference on Feb. 5.

"Under the doctrine of state multiculturalism," said Cameron, "we have failed to provide a vision of society to which they feel they want to belong. We have even tolerated these segregated communities behaving in ways that run counter to our val-ues. So when a white person holds objectionable views -racism, for example -we rightly condemn them. But when equally unacceptable views or practices have come from someone who isn't white, we've been too cautious, frankly even fearful, to stand up to them. . . .

This hands-off tolerance," said Cameron, "has only served to reinforce the sense that not enough is shared.

All this leaves some young Muslims feeling rootless and . . . can lead them to this extremist ideology."

Kanwar actually credits German Chancellor Angela Merkel for being among the first of the world's democratic leaders to take the courageous step in October to say that official multiculturalism had "failed totally."

It appears leaders are getting bolder. During an interview with TFI channel on Feb. 10, French President Nicolas Sarkozy declared: "We have been too concerned about the identity of the person who was arriving and not enough about the identity of the country that was receiving him."

Cameron ended his speech by saying: "At stake are not just lives, it's our way of life. That's why this is a challenge we cannot avoid -and one we must meet."

That democratically elected leaders are at long last starting to sing a different tune on official multiculturalism is sweet music to Kanwar. Here's hoping those poor kids in Winnipeg will get to hear some of it.

licia corBella is the herald's editorial Page editor. lcorBella@ calgarYherald.com



Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/health/Time+change+tune+official+multiculturalism/4270908/story.html#ixzz1Kek1b148

964
The Coffee Shop / For Sale....
« on: April 26, 2011, 02:26:25 pm »
For Sale:
One late model Ark.
Slightly used, for 40 days and 40 nights.
Low mileage.
Single owner with original Title.
Owner had pets. Floorboards need lots of work.
A fixer-upper.
Ark seats 2 by 2 by 2 by 2... comfortably.
Great 1st Ark for the young Ark driver in your family.
$500.00/obo

Call Noah...111-111-1111

965
Pattern Requests. / Plans for an ARK desperately needed!
« on: April 25, 2011, 09:43:54 pm »
If these rains don't stop soon I will be building one in my driveway, a la Bill Cosby!

Even the concrete around here is getting soggy!!!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

966
The Coffee Shop / "Political Correctness" run amuk!
« on: April 25, 2011, 01:52:12 pm »
http://mynorthwest.com/?nid=11&sid=459668

I certainly hope everyone is enjoying the egg salad made from "Spring Spheres"!!!!

~~~GB~~~

967
The Coffee Shop / If you saw on the news......
« on: April 23, 2011, 12:10:37 am »
Severe storms and tornadoes in our area...Airport hit and is shutdown indefinitely.

Tornado went just north of our place and then slammed into the airport.
OK here but it was a scare!
Never even lost power or the Uverse signal.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

968
The Coffee Shop / Celebrate Earth Day...
« on: April 22, 2011, 01:32:40 pm »

969
The Coffee Shop / The Beauty of Mathematics!
« on: April 22, 2011, 11:03:36 am »
We all strive to achieve 'symmetry in projects...

Look what Mathematics has done with symmetry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=h60r2HPsiuM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

~~~GB~~~

970
The Coffee Shop / Feel 'computer challenged'?
« on: April 22, 2011, 10:59:07 am »
TECH SUPPORT

.
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
...............................................
.
Customer: Hi, this is Celine.  I can't get my DVD
out !!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. 
It's still on my desk . . . sorry.  Thank you.
...............................................
.
Tech Support: Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the
left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
...............................................
.
Tech Support: Hello.  How may I help you?
Male Customer:  Hi . . . I can't print.
Tech Support: Would you click on 'START' for me and . . .
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on
me.  I'm not Billi Gates!!!
...............................................

Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . . . . . thank you.
...............................................
.
Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for
me at the 7-11 store.
...............................................

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged
into the computer?
Customer: No.  I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten
steps backwards.
Customer: Okay.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged
in. 
Customer: Wait a moment please. . . . . . .  Ah, now it does work.
Thanks.
...............................................

Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in
apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters?
...............................................

Customer: I can't get on the internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the
correct password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure.  I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.     (The tears are rolling down my face from this one! )
...............................................

Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
...............................................

Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address,
but how do I get the little circle around it.
...............................................

A woman customer called the Canon help desk because
she had a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that
is a good point.  The man sitting next to me is by
a window, and his printer is working fine!
...............................................
.
.
And last, but not least . . .
.
Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring
up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: 'P' . . . on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
...............................................
.
This oughta make you feel better about your computer skills

~~~GB~~~

971
The Coffee Shop / A quickie...
« on: April 22, 2011, 10:48:30 am »
A woman is sitting at home on the veranda with her husband and she says, "I love you."

He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."

~~~GB~~~

972

A man is driving along a highway and
sees a rabbit jump out across the
middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately the rabbit jumps
right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as
well as an animal lover, pulls
over and gets out to A see what
has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of
the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and
asks the man what?s wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny
with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead
Easter Bunny, bends down,
and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another
10 feet, turns and waves,

hops another ten feet,
turns and waves,

and repeats this again and
again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman
and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the
Easter Bunny?"

The woman turns the can
around so that the man
can read the label.

It says...



(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(You know you're
gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)


(OK, here it is)


It says,


"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."


~~~GB~~~

973
The Coffee Shop / Interesting "English" from around the globe....
« on: April 21, 2011, 04:21:41 pm »
It sometimes lacks a bit of clarity when translated!




Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL
DIRECTIONS.

In a Bangkok temple :
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A
FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.


Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN
THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST
RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant :
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT

TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving
Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER,
THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom :
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE
CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant :
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery :
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS
FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations :
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO
OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant :
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar :
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel , Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS
THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel , Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a
Russian Orthodox monastery :
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE
FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY
EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST
CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE
TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS
PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING
GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE
USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND
THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

~~~GB~~~

974
The Coffee Shop / Latest News! Judy Hunter!!!!
« on: April 21, 2011, 01:36:39 pm »
I heard from her niece this morning and she is about ready to leave ICU...feeding tube is out and they plan to give her solids later today.

If all goes as planned they should send her home on Sunday.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

975
The Coffee Shop / Eagle Watch!
« on: April 19, 2011, 11:51:43 am »
The Decorah, Iowa eagle family is being snowed on today!
Camera completely blocked by snow...

<http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles#utm_campaigne=synclickback&source=http://www.raptorresource.org/falcon_cams/decorah_eagle_xcel.html&medium=3064708>

~~~GB~~~

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