Topics

946

General Scroll Saw Talk / FD Mike! BeWare!!!!!!!

« on: May 17, 2011, 09:22:34 pm »

Look what I stumbled across today!

http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_00929357000P?mv=rr&i_cntr=1305661086098

~~~GB~~~

947

The Coffee Shop / Army inductee from the 'hills'!

« on: May 17, 2011, 12:44:43 pm »

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

~~~GB~~~

948

The Coffee Shop / The Breakfast Eggs!

« on: May 17, 2011, 12:37:55 pm »

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

~~~GB~~~

949

The Coffee Shop / The Polish Immigrant....

« on: May 17, 2011, 12:36:06 pm »

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test

The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

~~~GB~~~

950

The Coffee Shop / The winner is!!!

« on: May 17, 2011, 12:34:00 pm »

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

~~~GB~~~

951

The Coffee Shop / 13 Rules for Better Writing!

« on: May 12, 2011, 11:41:03 pm »

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.   
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.   
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.   
4. Avoid cliches like the plague.   
5. Be more or less specific.   
6. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.   
7. No sentence fragments.   
8. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.   
9. One should NEVER generalize.   
10. Don't use no double negatives.   
11. One-word sentences? Eliminate.   
12. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.   
13. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

~~~GB~~~

952

Computer questions / Senior Moment!

« on: May 12, 2011, 06:08:58 pm »

After a couple hours of cutting along I needed to drill some holes in a new project.

Left the saw, picked up the workpiece, stepped up to the drill and looked like Trigger counting for Roy R.!!!

Memo to Self!  There is NO Foot Pedal for the Drillpress!!!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

953

General Scroll Saw Talk / Router Table...

« on: May 12, 2011, 10:29:24 am »

Looking at this one...

<http://www.amazon.com/Bosch-RA1171-Cabinet-Style-Router/dp/B000H14DLY/ref=sr_1_58?s=power-hand-tools&ie=UTF8&qid=1305210317&sr=1-58>

Anyone have any thoughts?

~~~GB~~~

954

The Coffee Shop / Friends ! ! !

« on: May 10, 2011, 10:58:04 pm »

Friends are like underwear ....
Some crawl up your a$$...
Some snap under pressure...
Some don't have the strength to hold you up...
Some get a little twisted...
Some are your favorite...
Some are cheap and just plain nasty...
And some actually do cover your butt when you need them too!

~~~GB~~~

955

The Coffee Shop / One for the Ladies!

« on: May 10, 2011, 06:20:12 pm »

      THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you were not married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: 
   
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. 
 
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. 
 
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. 
Resuming the journey, Sally tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.  The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. 
"What in bag?" asked the old woman. 
 
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said:  "It's a bottle of wine.  I got it for my husband." 
 
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.  Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 
 
 
"Good trade . . ."

956

Pattern Requests. / Need a "Pug" pattern....

« on: May 09, 2011, 04:41:38 pm »

I have a lady who wants to present her hubby with a scrolled portrait of a "Pug". Does anyone have such a pattern or can you lead me in a proper search direction?

Thanks...

~~~GB~~~

957

The Coffee Shop / Will I live to be 80???

« on: May 09, 2011, 03:08:30 pm »

Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests,
he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.)
A little concerned about that comment,
I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.
My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun,
like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.   
He looked at me and said,
'Then, why do you even give a s@#%.'

958

The Coffee Shop / Little Red Fire Engine!

« on: May 06, 2011, 09:40:21 pm »

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little  ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The  girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The  wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The  firefighter walked over to take a closer  look.
'That  sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said  with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl  replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little  partner, 'the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig,  but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '

The  little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably  right, but then I wouldn't have a  siren.'

~~~GB~~~

959

Brag Forum / And one to display!

« on: May 01, 2011, 11:07:51 am »

This one goes on the wall with the other things I have made for them.
Stack cutting sure makes things easier. Just reversed the 'good side' of the p'wood so I could reverse the image!

~~~GB~~~

960

Brag Forum / Proud of this pair!

« on: May 01, 2011, 10:45:55 am »

My son and the wedding album I made for the happy couple...

~~~GB~~~