Topics

91

The Coffee Shop / THE BAPTIST CHURCH DINNER!

« on: January 15, 2012, 12:32:15 am »

> THE BAPTIST CHURCH DINNER!
>
> A group of friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
>
> When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high."
>
> He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."
>
> She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison."
>
> He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK." So Janet decided to give it a try.. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
>
> Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
>
> The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played '42' and dominoes. About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Janet's ear.
>
> She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."
>
> Janet went into hysterics.
>
> After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
>
> The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.."
>
> Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.
>
> The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
>
> One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.
>
> After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and whispered to Janet,


 "You know, that fellow that run over Ol' Spot never even stopped."
>

92

Swap Shop / Save bandwidth

« on: January 14, 2012, 07:30:54 pm »

Just a suggestion. Once your item is sold or expired, come back and delete it. No need for all those old posts hanging around just taking up space on the site.
Gabby

93

The Coffee Shop / Doctors, Guns & Lawyers

« on: January 14, 2012, 01:15:43 am »

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are

120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is

0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of
Health and Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.

is

80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths

per year, all age groups,

is

1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths

per gun owner

is

.0000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

BUT

Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends
to this
alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large,

We withheld the statistics on

Lawyers

for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!

Disclaimer, I didn't verify the numbers just passed it along for the fun of it. Does make you think though.
Gabby

94

The Coffee Shop / Cold winter coming?

« on: January 12, 2012, 04:06:11 am »

 
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma
asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold  or
mild.


Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the
winter was going to be like.


Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'


'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.


So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more firewood in order to be prepared.


A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it
still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'


'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going
to be a very cold winter.'


The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.


Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'


'Absolutely,' the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it
is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'


'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied,
'The Indians are collecting firewood by the truck load'

95

The Coffee Shop / Italian wedding test

« on: January 11, 2012, 07:54:14 pm »

I was a very happy man. My beautiful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me: Her gorgeous younger sister.
 
My future sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and usually was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
 
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
 
I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, ?I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to, just come up and get me.?
 
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
 
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
 
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ?We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.?
 
 
 
And the moral of this story is:
 
 



 
 
 
Always keep your condoms in your car.

96

The Coffee Shop / My Empty address book

« on: January 08, 2012, 12:49:38 am »

Would those of you that have my regular address please send me a note so I can re-populate my address book
So far I haven't been able to transfer it from my backup portable hard drive, since it was another program Outlook Express, and so far Outlook isn't cooperating, (I think.)
Gabby

97

The Coffee Shop / Computer crash

« on: January 04, 2012, 02:33:29 am »

Well after downloading  the IE 8 update my regular PC crashed, missing a Dll file, I've pulled what little hair I have left, and finally gave up trying to fix it for tonight. I'm using the new laptop, boy is that screen small. LOL
So I won't be answering any regular e mail because I haven't gotten that far in the setup without my address book. I do like the wireless keyboard I got so I wouldn't have to use the clunky keyboard on the lap top along with the wireless mouse. The touch pad mouse is a pain!
Enough of my woes for now. More later when I get things back to normal.
Welcome to 2012 Gabby!

98

The Coffee Shop / Check the Gallery

« on: December 24, 2011, 04:28:38 am »

I just put up a photo in the mug shots.
After all the great new patterns of gun dogs by Grampa Paul, I thought some might like to see how and where we field trialed part of the time. This was either in the White Mountains or near Flagstaff, AZ
Enjoy,
Gabby
yea I was a lot younger!
Purdyer too. 

99

Pattern Requests. / Pattern transfer question

« on: December 23, 2011, 04:53:38 am »

Been talking to a young man a little about wood burning since my saw is in mothballs for the winter.
He told me about printing the pattern reversed then put the pattern face down on the wood then applying heat to make the ink go onto the board.
Has anyone heard of doing that and or tried it?

If it works it sure would save a bunch of time and tape!
Gabby

100

The Coffee Shop / Leroy Redneck Reindeer

« on: December 11, 2011, 12:32:43 am »

Cute video, good for a chuckle.
Gabby

http://heavens-gates.com/leroy.html

101

The Coffee Shop / Cahoots

« on: December 11, 2011, 12:23:53 am »

In Cahoots

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with
someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have
to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my
friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not
too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not
to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin
flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

Author Unknown

102

The Coffee Shop / From the mouths of babes

« on: December 09, 2011, 08:31:17 pm »

This has been around for a while but is good to share anyway.
Gabby

 

What Love means to a 4-8 year old...




Touching words from the mouth of babes..


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds ,

'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined

See what you think:







'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8



'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4



'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5



'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6



'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4



'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7



'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8



'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)



'If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate , '

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)



'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7



'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6



'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8



'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6



'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5



'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford .'

Chris - age 7



'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4



'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4



'When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7



'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'

Mark - age 6



'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8
And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry , the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard , climbed onto his lap , and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor , the little boy said ,

'Nothing , I just helped him cry'



When there is nothing left but God , that is when you find out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Heavenly Father , please bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of Your peace , prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with You. Amen .

Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

P. S. Five is good , but more is better..
God Bless You!    

Merry Christmas to all, Gabby

103

The Coffee Shop / This will make you think guaranteed

« on: November 30, 2011, 12:06:07 am »

Take the time to watch the video.

American Airlines pilot, Peter Scheibner,   was scheduled to fly American
FLT 11 /Logan (BOS) to LAX on 9/11/2001 and was bumped by a more senior
pilot. Watch as he tells his riveting story.



http://www.youtube.com/user/peterscheibner#p/a/u/0/cLj4akmncsA

Afterward follow your heart!
You may even pass it along as I did.
Praise God!
Gabby

104

The Coffee Shop / Well trained dogs

« on: November 27, 2011, 03:01:38 pm »

I thought some of the dog lovers would enjoy watching this, 20 dogs at liberty having a great time with their human friend.
Gabby
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=qFP28ANXLLA&vq=medium

105

General Scroll Saw Talk / Saw prices at Amazon

« on: November 25, 2011, 08:52:21 pm »

I thought some of you might like to see the prices at Amazon.
Gabby

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=node%3D551236&field-keywords=scroll+saws