Topics

871

The Coffee Shop / WHY the U.S. is in trouble!

« on: July 13, 2011, 12:43:05 pm »

God Bless America !
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble:
 
1.  I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
 
2.  I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in  Massachusetts ..''
 
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
 
his response -- click.
 
3.  A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a  Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
 
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
 
4.  I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
 
I said, ''No.''
 
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
 
5.  An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in  Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
 
6.  An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky)  called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
 
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
 
7.  A  New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
 
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
 
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
 
8.  A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to  Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
 
9.  I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright  from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
 
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
 
10.  Senator Dianne Feinstein
called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
 
I asked if she meant fly to  Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
 
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
 
11. Mary Landrieu  La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to  China .  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
 
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
 
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
 
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
 
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
 
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
 
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
 
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
 
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
 
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
 
Could anyone be this DUMB?
 
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..
 
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.
Like manure, you just gotta spread it around

872

General Scroll Saw Talk / Try doing portraits on this!

« on: July 12, 2011, 09:18:45 pm »

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/tls/2428650136.html!!!

~~~GB~~~

873

General Scroll Saw Talk / Hegner Multimax...

« on: July 12, 2011, 06:52:45 pm »

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/tls/2437090803.html

Asking $650

874

General Scroll Saw Talk / RBI "Eagle" saw for sale....

« on: July 12, 2011, 06:50:00 pm »

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/tls/2471197487.html

~~~GB~~~

875

The Coffee Shop / Rockford RiverHawks bus catches fire!

« on: July 12, 2011, 02:11:12 pm »

http://mystateline.com/fulltext-sports?nxd_id=264147

Playing Frontier League ball has its exciting moments!

Everyone safe and most of the personal stuff and equipment was saved...

~~~GB~~~

876

General Scroll Saw Talk / Today from "PeachTree" Woodworking....

« on: July 12, 2011, 10:50:30 am »

http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_071211.htm

I think it could be adapted to fit 'under' a scrollsaw table very easily...

Gives me some Ideas as I work on my new stand!

~~~GB~~~

877

The Coffee Shop / A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K....

« on: July 12, 2011, 10:47:20 am »

After being married for fifty years....my wife asked me to describe her.

I looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I,

J, K."

She asks..... "What does that mean?"

I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,

Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely..... What about  I, J, K?"

I said, "I'm Just Kidding!"



My eye is still swollen....but it will get better.............and the stitches come out next Thursday!

878

The Coffee Shop / "Motherly Wisdom"....

« on: July 11, 2011, 11:48:02 am »

Do you remember?

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite:
 
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"

I heard every one of those sterling gems many times!

~~~GB~~~

879

The Coffee Shop / Sombody please find 'dgman' a job!

« on: July 11, 2011, 11:42:57 am »

With all his time off he is 'gaining' on me!!!

~~~GB~~~

880

The Coffee Shop / FYI!

« on: July 09, 2011, 06:14:41 pm »

Hang on...I am about to 'ramble'!
 
74 year old male in good health with long term one ear (left) hearing loss.
Went for adjustment for Hearing  Aid in other ear and results were sent to my 'otolaryingologist' and he called and wanted an immediate MRI of the empty space between my ears.
He knew of the almost total deafness in the left ear but no one had ever really determinied why!
So he gets results and immediately again calls and recommends that I see Cochlear Implant specialist.
Then I get invitation to Cochlear Implant presentation..
5 hours later I have an appt. scheduled for evaluation and that took place yesterday, 7/8. 
I am a candidate and we are awaiting the Insurance nonsense to see what transpires.
 
IF all goes according to plan I will get the CI sometime late Sept.
 
NOW the fear and trepidation sets in!
I have heard almost nothing on the left side for as long as I can remember!
What happens now?
How will I react?
Will I be diappointed in the results?
Will I be able to even stand those noises I have lived so long without?
Is there some 'higher power' urging me to do this?  If so, WHY?
I have lived a pretty full life for a long time and why do I need this now?
 
I have had many major surgeries and do not fear that aspect but there are a lot of unknowns I am dealing with.
Not really afraid just anxiously anticipating the unknown.
 
Family and friend support is great so I guess Iwill get through it.
 
Thanks for letting me 'ramble'!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

881

General Scroll Saw Talk / HELP! Cordless Drill!!!

« on: July 09, 2011, 05:57:48 pm »

This afternoon BOTH my of my pair of matching cordless drills shot craps!

Chuck jammed on one and the other blew its 'clutch'!

Any recommendations from my astute and ever knowledgeable friends will be appreciated...

I  have my eye on a  Makita LCT208W-R 12V Cordless Lithium-Ion 2-Piece Combo Kit for the lighter duty and will purchase same at a later date.

BUT I need an 18 volt workhorse for the heavy stuff.

Your knowledge and experiences will be appreciated.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

882

General Scroll Saw Talk / Judy Hunter...facebook!

« on: July 09, 2011, 01:27:30 pm »

Judy has started posting on 'facebook' so she must be feeling better...
If you are on facebook just do a search for her and become her 'friend'!

~~~GB~~~

883

General Scroll Saw Talk / New Item from Harbor Freight!

« on: July 09, 2011, 11:28:52 am »

http://www.harborfreight.com/4-rolls-2-x-60-yards-blue-painters-tape-68358.html?utm_source=new-items_retail&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2711c

By my calculations that is 720 feet of 2" tape for the price....Might not be the greatest for fine detail painting but might be good for putting under patterns.

~~~GB~~~

884

The Coffee Shop / Judy is HOME!

« on: July 05, 2011, 11:32:05 am »

Just opened my emails and there it was!

She's HOME, still very weak and tires easily but at least it is HOME.

Keep up the encouragement!

~~~GB~~~

885

The Coffee Shop / Don't underestimate Bubba!

« on: July 02, 2011, 11:06:09 am »

His name was Bubba, he was from  Mississippi ... and he needed a loan, so... he walked into a bank in  New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to  Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
 
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from  Ole Miss University , a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around  Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in  New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was BUBBA....

(Keep An Eye On Those Southern Boys)