Topics

811

The Coffee Shop / A Little Girl on an Airplane...

« on: September 01, 2011, 04:55:56 pm »

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said,
?Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.?

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,

?What would you want to talk about??

?Oh, I don?t know,? said the atheist. ?How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?? as he smiled smugly.

?OK,? she said. ?Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff ? grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is??

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl?s intelligence, thinks about it and says,
?Hmmm, I have no idea.?

To which the little girl replies, ?Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don?t know S%$#??

And then she went back to reading her book.

812

Brag Forum / Newest "Rascals" project....

« on: September 01, 2011, 03:54:51 pm »

For the Playoffs...

Thanks to Ron/Joleet for the great pattern...

~~~GB~~~

813

The Coffee Shop / Christmas Ornament EXCHANGE - 2011

« on: September 01, 2011, 02:18:46 pm »

We want as many as possible to PARTICIPATE ! ! !

Pro's, Intermediates, Average, and YES BEGINNERS...

We are a Scrolling Family and as such families exchange gifts regardless of experience, ability, means, etc.

It is not the quality or cost of a gift...It is the fact that YOU took the time and made the effort to think of someone else!

As a Family of close to 2,000 members, how great would it be to have several Hundred ornaments circling the globe ... Just Because we think of each other at a special time.!

Please Join IN.......

~~~GrayBeard~~~

814

General Scroll Saw Talk / PeachTree...Labor Day Sale....

« on: September 01, 2011, 10:49:01 am »

http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_090111.htm

Whole bunch of items at $19.00

~~~GB~~~

815

The Coffee Shop / Oxymorons....

« on: August 31, 2011, 11:47:42 am »

0  x  y  m  o  r   o  n s
 
1.   Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 

2.     Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3.   If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4.   If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 

5.   Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 

6.   Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 

7.   Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 

8 .   Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 

9.   Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
when we are already there?

10.   Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting? 

11.   Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 

12..   Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 

13..   Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 

14.   Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 

15.   Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 

16.   If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 

17..   If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 

18.   If   love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 

19.   If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 

20.   Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21..   Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead? 

22.   Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 

23.   How come abbreviated is such a long word? 

24.  Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 

25..   Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

26.   Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
 
28.  Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
I dunno , why do we?

~~~GB~~~

816

The Coffee Shop / The "Senior" version of "Jesus Loves Me"

« on: August 30, 2011, 04:14:00 pm »

 While watching a little TV on Sunday instead of going to church, I watched a church in Atlanta honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age. After a warm welcome, introduction of this speaker, and as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gait to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then quietly and slowly he began to speak....
>
> "When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials.. The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heartbreak and pain and fear and sorrow paralyzed me...
> the only thing that would comfort was this verse......... .....
>
> "Jesus loves me this I know.
> For the Bible tells me so.
> Little ones to Him belong,
> we are weak but He is strong.....
> Yes, Jesus loves me....
> The Bible tells me so."
>
> The old pastor stated, "I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children's hymn 'Jesus Loves Me' (for the children of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best."
>
> "Here for you now is a Senior version of Jesus Loves Me":
>
> JESUS LOVES ME
>
> Jesus loves me, this I know,
> Though my hair is white as snow
> Though my sight is growing dim,
> Still He bids me trust in Him.
> (CHORUS)
> YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME..
> YES, JESUS LOVES ME, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.
>
> Though my steps are oh, so slow,
> With my hand in His I'll go
> On through life, let come what may,
> He'll be there to lead the way.
> (CHORUS)
>
> When the nights are dark and long,
> In my heart He puts a song..
> Telling me in words so clear,
> "Have no fear, for I am near."
> (CHORUS)
>
> When my work on earth is done,
> And life's victories have been won.
> He will take me home above,
> Then I'll understand His love.
> (CHORUS)
>
> I love Jesus, does He know?
> Have I ever told Him so?
> Jesus loves to hear me say,
> That I love Him every day.
> (CHORUS)
>
>
> If you think this is neat, please pass it on to your friends. If you do not pass it on, nothing bad will happen, but you will have missed an opportunity to "reach out and touch" a friend or a loved one.
>
> God Bless Us All!!!

~~~GB~~~
 

817

General Scroll Saw Talk / Another PeachTree deal...

« on: August 30, 2011, 12:34:37 pm »

http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_083011.htm

C-clamps

~~~GB~~~

818

The Coffee Shop / The Anderson Test!

« on: August 26, 2011, 02:32:47 pm »

There are 4 questions. Dont miss one.


 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


Stop  and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The  correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in  the giraffe, and
close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly
complicated way.


2  How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?


Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?

 Wrong  Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the
elephant and close the door.

This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of  your previous
actions..


3...  The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the animals
 attend  .... Except one.  Which animal does not attend?


Correct  Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You
just put him in there.

 This tests your memory.. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three
questions correctly,

you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.



4.  There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
 you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?




Correct  Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not
been listening?

All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.  This tests whether you
learn quickly from your mistakes.

 According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers
got several correct answers.

   Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most
professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

819

Computer questions / Being a Geek....

« on: August 26, 2011, 11:19:14 am »

sure came in handy the other day....

I was having a bit of a problem with my Win XP Pro machine intermittently shutting down without warning.
First thought, "How long has it been since I cleaned out the guts of dust?"
So I pulled all the cords, took it apart and vacuumed and blew all the little dust bunnies out and was so happy it was all clean and shiny.
Plugged it in and pressed the button and NOTHING!
So I pulled it apart again, removed and replaced the power supply (30 minutes), fired her up and away I went....

HOWEVER now every time I boot up I get a message to "Check System Health!".

Still running fine, temps are in the correct range and I have no idea what is wrong, if anything....

I just know that with a three year old system that has been 'rode hard and put away wet' more often than not I may be living on borrowed time.

Just hope it holds together until after the surgery so I can re-build while recuperating and not now.

Wish me luck!

~~~GB~~~

820

The Coffee Shop / A little boy writes to God.....

« on: August 24, 2011, 11:27:07 pm »

A small boy writes a letter to God.

"Dear God, why do you let bad things happen in our schools?"

God replied,

"Dear son, I am not allowed in your schools."

~~~GB~~~

821

The Coffee Shop / The BRIDE!!!

« on: August 23, 2011, 09:11:25 pm »

(Please excuse the four letter words in the following story...I would
have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same...)
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got
back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh Mama", she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic"...
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mama, as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard
before! I mean, all these awful four-letter words! You've got to
take me home!! PLEASE MAMA !"
"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with
your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT four-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter. "I'm so
embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME,PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your
mother these horrible four-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama... he used words like:
DUST, WASH , IRON, AND COOK..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

822

General Scroll Saw Talk / Got Dust? deal from PeachTree...

« on: August 23, 2011, 10:53:00 am »

Special sale on Dust Collection fittings...

http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_082311.htm

~~~GB~~~

823

Brag Forum / 2 MOre in the "Felt" Series

« on: August 20, 2011, 02:52:42 pm »

I mounted a couple more this morning....

~~~GB~~~

824

General Scroll Saw Talk / Aleene's Tacky Spray adhesive...Review

« on: August 20, 2011, 02:17:57 pm »

Description: All Purpose PERMANENT Spray Adhesive

Attributes:
   Crystal Clear
   Very HI Tack
   Strong Permanent Bond
So far it gives a very good fine mist spray pattern

Good For: paper, wood, plastic, photos, fabric, virtually any 'light duty' application

Comments: I've used it to apply Felt to cardboard and plywood backers and then used Aleene's Tacky Glue to mount the wood cutouts to the fabric. Have also used it to glue colored card stock to plywood and heavy 'chipboard' with good results.
As stated it is permanent so don't let your materials touch where they are not supposed to!

As of now at $6.99 for an 11 oz. can (at Michael's) I am using it in place of 3M-77 for many applications.
Definitely not recommended for applying patterns directly to wood!

Seems like a 'winner' product for me!

~~~GB~~~

825

The Coffee Shop / Cops!

« on: August 19, 2011, 11:13:51 am »

Cops never think it's as funny as you do.
 They sent me a picture of me speeding, so I sent a picture of a check... so they sent me a picture of handcuffs.