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Topics - GrayBeard

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781
The Coffee Shop / Halloween Costume....
« on: September 27, 2011, 06:12:17 pm »
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

 


Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your a$$ and go as a candy apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

~~~GB~~~

782
The Coffee Shop / Back Home from Amish Land....
« on: September 27, 2011, 06:00:03 pm »
Wonderful couple of days....

Very interesting area and I learned a lot about their culture.

Incredible what they come up with in order to adhere to the strict rules of their Religious beliefs and still operate in the modern world...

Tools and appliances run on propane or a diesel engine 'outside' the house. For some of the farming tasks they have adapted farm machinery to work while being pulled thru the fields by horses. Propane or kerosene used for lighting.

Hard to get used to the 'buggies' being pulled by horses going up and down the roads, streets and around town...
Horse poop everywhere.
Buggies are now equipped with headlights, tail lights, windshield wipers and they have installed propane heaters.
Wipers are manual but lights are run off 12 volt car battery and I am wondering how they keep them charged?!?!?!?

~~~GB~~~

783
The Coffee Shop / Forgot to report my whereabouts!
« on: September 26, 2011, 05:14:51 pm »
Sunday we drove up here to Central Illinois to visit the Amish communities...around Arcola, Arhtur and Tuscola.

Staying at a B&B built in 1865...interesting place.

Back home tomorrow to get ready for the big event.
Sitting in the parking lot of an outlet mall while S.O. shops for bargains. Super strong WiFi signal so got out the ol' MacBook and checked in. 4:00 in the afternoon and I'm still stuffed from the huge and exotic breqkfast. Each course was served with edible flowers or herbs.
Ever tasted a  Nasturtium? very tasty! and very pretty!

Will check in later if I can get a signal....battery running low.........

~~~GB~~~


784
The Coffee Shop / The Boy on the Potty....
« on: September 24, 2011, 11:18:44 pm »

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 15 SECONDS OR SO, HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF HIS HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS:

"BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."
BILLY SAYS:
"I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE POTTY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS:
"OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS:

"WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

785
The Coffee Shop / Sad Day.....
« on: September 24, 2011, 01:39:15 pm »
We had our 15 yr. old cat put to sleep this morning.
He was always a bit aggressive but he had become downright mean and without provocation so instead of trying to medicate and go thru all the hassle...took two of us 15 minutes this morning to get a half-teaspoon of sedation in him just to go to the vet...we decided that since she said it would only get worse that now was the time...

So Long, Lambert....

~~~GB~~~

786
The Coffee Shop / Wedding Reception....
« on: September 23, 2011, 01:31:19 pm »
At a wedding reception recently someone yelled,

"Would all the married men please stand next to
the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death!!!

~~~GB~~~

787
The Coffee Shop / One More Week of silence...
« on: September 23, 2011, 12:16:57 pm »
By this time next week I will have a new Bionic Ear!
Of course it will be a couple weeks before they 'activate' it so I won't exactly be ready to go to the symphony next Sat. night.
I have to say that I am more anxious about this than I was about the new knee I got 2 1/2 years ago but if this goes as well I am going to be one happy and appreciative old man.
Just something about having some guy you hardly know drilling into your head and attaching some 'micro-fine electrodes' to your brain!
Scary? Damn Right!
I talked to a man who had his done 18 months ago and he told me when they ''turned it on" and after the initial 'noise' died down he sat there and cried like a baby who had his pacifier taken away.
Hope mine goes as well!
I cannot remember ever hearing out of the left side.
Thanks for all your Good Wishes and Prayers!

~~~GB~~~

788
The Coffee Shop / Overheard at a Senior Center.....
« on: September 22, 2011, 08:34:33 pm »
"Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my LEG!"

789
The Coffee Shop / Fender Skirts???
« on: September 21, 2011, 01:32:24 pm »
 FENDER SKIRTS AND RAT FINKS

I know some of you will not understand this message, but I bet you know
someone who might.
I came across this phrase yesterday. 'FENDER SKIRTS.'


A term I haven't heard in a long time, and thinking about 'fender skirts'
started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our
language with hardly a notice like 'curb feelers.'


And 'steering knobs.' (AKA) 'suicide knob,' 'neckers knobs.'


Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction
first.

Any kids will probably have to find some older person over 50 to explain
some of these terms to you.

Remember 'Continental kits?' They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire
covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.


When did we quit calling them 'emergency brakes?' At some point 'parking
brake' became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with
'emergency brake.'


I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the
accelerator the 'foot feed.' Many today do not even know what a clutch is or
that the dimmer switch used to be on the floor.


Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could
ride the 'running board' up to the house?


Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -
'store-bought.' Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days.
But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a
store-bought bag of candy.


'Coast to coast' is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now
means almost nothing. Now we take the term 'world wide' for granted. This
floors me.


On a smaller scale, 'wall-to-wall' was once a magical term in our homes. In
the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow,
wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall
carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.






When was the last time you heard the quaint phrase 'in a family way ?' It's
hard to imagine that the word 'pregnant' was once considered a little too
graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company, so we had all that
talk about stork visits and 'being in a family way' or simply 'expecting.'

Apparently 'brassiere' is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day
and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just 'bra' now. 'Unmentionables'
probably wouldn't be understood at all.

I always loved going to the 'picture show,' but I considered 'movie' an
affectation.


Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure '60s word I came
across the other day 'rat fink.' Ooh, what a nasty put-down!


Here's a word I miss - 'percolator.' That was just a fun word to say. And
what was it replaced with 'Coffee maker.' How dull... Mr. Coffee, I blame
you for this.


I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and
now sound so retro. Words like 'DynaFlow' and 'Electrolux.' Introducing the
1963 Admiral TV, now with 'SpectraVision!'


Food for thought. Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody
complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what Castor oil cured, because I
never hear mothers threatening kids with Castor oil anymore.


Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one
that grieves me most is 'supper.' Now everybody says 'dinner.' Save a great
word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.


Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a 'certain age' would
remember most of these.

~~~GB~~~

790
General Scroll Saw Talk / Japan Relief Quilts....
« on: September 19, 2011, 11:46:15 pm »
The auction is concluded...

$152.50
$167.50
$280.57
=====
$600.57

I frankly thought they would bring much more than that!

~~~GB~~~

791
General Scroll Saw Talk / DW 788 Type 1....
« on: September 19, 2011, 11:37:53 pm »
11 yrs old and in pictures looks new!

With stand and light

$300

Anybody interested?

Wentzville , Missouri

~~~GB~~~

792
General Scroll Saw Talk / RBI Hawk, model 216....
« on: September 19, 2011, 12:45:54 pm »
St. Louis Craigslist...http://stlouis.craigslist.org/tls/2604723492.html

Any Thoughts?

Kinda big for a backup...

~~~GB~~~

793
The Coffee Shop / Rascals Update....
« on: September 16, 2011, 10:01:44 am »
Game one of the Championship series was a wash out Wednesday night due to unplayable conditions.
Thursday night the Rascals came out swinging, scoring 6 runs in the first inning and adding 2 more to win Game One beating the Joliet Slammers 8 - 8.
Game two of the best of five series tonight (Friday) at 7:05 local time.

Wish us luck!

~~~GB~~~

794
The Coffee Shop / True or False?
« on: September 15, 2011, 03:40:40 pm »
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

Robert Frost

~~~GB~~~

795
General Scroll Saw Talk / Simple Solution....
« on: September 15, 2011, 03:31:30 pm »
NO Politics, NO Religion, No Sexual Orientation, and if you wouldn't say it in front of your mother, mother-in-law or Pastor/Priest ... Don't say it!

And of course it goes without saying.."NO Personal Attacks!"

Those are the rules on my groups and the ones I frequent the most.

~~~GRAYBEARD~~~

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