Topics

76

The Coffee Shop / What frustrated and PO-D me the most!!!!!

« on: February 29, 2012, 10:08:50 pm »

Here I had that fancy laptop and couldn't use the dad blasted thing. Couldn't keep connected to the net, I've got some mail waiting to be sent once I get it connected, I'm on the old PC right now. Just wanted to share some news with you all. Since I said I'm on the PC you smart guys may have figured out.
I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made it in the door here a couple of hours ago. Saw my surgeon around noon local, and got his OK to go home, the rest of the time was spent jumping through hoops, crossing T's and dotting I's. Thankfully the snow held off and we were able to make it home uneventfully, Laurie was really stressed out trying to get everything done early enough so she wouldn't have to drive in the dark and snow on that winding road. She's a good driver but being off the streets for the best part of a month, had me nervous as a cat in a room full rocking chairs!
Please don't feel left out if I don't send out a bunch of personal messages, I'm slow as molasses in January and have a bunch of old posts to get sorted through.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
MARION my little angel is looking over me again / still.
Big hug and kiss to you Lady Friend.
As time and strength permit I'll be jumping back in and giving all a hard time just so you know I still care.
Later,
Gabby

77

The Coffee Shop / Well Ya;ll have been a little premature

« on: February 21, 2012, 08:38:00 pm »

News of my demise were gust a tad early.
I was just about to give you all an up date, when this good looking gall stuck her head in my room and asks if
I'm looking for a good time?
Well she took a bunch of metal outta my hide, and I hadn't had such a great offer for scrapp mettal

Some how the Love and Kisses got lost, so here is some more.
Gabby Bill

78

The Coffee Shop / Irish Cab Driver

« on: February 06, 2012, 11:17:42 pm »

Since we are picking on our friends in the British Isles, I had to forward this.
All in fun my friends!

Irish Taxi Driver

A British passenger in a taxi in Dublin leaned over to ask
the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The
driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from the
edge of the bridge over the Liffey River.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then
the still-shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared
the devil out of me."

The frightened Brit apologized to the driver and said he
didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten an
Irishman so much.

The driver replied, "Will the saints in Heaven forgive me --
it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

79

The Coffee Shop / People ask why?

« on: February 06, 2012, 06:21:04 am »

Read to the bottom some scary statistics.
Gabby

PEOPLE ASK WHY?

Why Carry a Gun?

My old grandpa said to me 'Son, there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and
Usually it's when he becomes too old to take an a$$ whoopin.'
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.

I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.

I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.

I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.

I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.

I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.

I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.

I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.

I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.

I don't carry a gun because I love it.
I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.

Police protection is an oxymoron.
Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.

Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an a$$ whoopin'.....author unknown (but obviously brilliant)

**********************************************
A LITTLE GUN HISTORY

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------

In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------

Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------

China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------

Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
---- ------------- -------------

Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------

Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
-----------------------------

Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million.
------------------------------

You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.

Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.

Take note my fellow Americans, before it's too late!

The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson.

With guns, we are 'citizens'. Without them, we are 'subjects'.

During WW II the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!

If you value your freedom, please spread this anti gun-control message to all of your friends.


The purpose of fighting is to win.
There is no possible victory in defense.
The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either.
The final weapon is the brain.
All else is supplemental.

SWITZERLAND ISSUES EVERY HOUSEHOLD A GUN!
SWITZERLAND'S GOVERNMENT TRAINS EVERY ADULT THEY ISSUE A RIFLE.
SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST GUN RELATED CRIME RATE OF ANY CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!!

IT'S A NO BRAINER!
DON'T LET OUR GOVERNMENT WASTE MILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ALL LAW ABIDING CITIZENS AN EASY TARGET.

I'm a firm believer in the 2nd Amendment!
If you are too, please forward.

80

The Coffee Shop / Magambo the answere

« on: February 05, 2012, 12:18:28 am »

A Black Politician decided to  chase up his dream of going back to Africa to find his Roots and turns up in a small village.

( It just can't be a brown, white, or yellow, or even polka dot, politician, the story just wouldn't work.)

 Everyone is there from miles around and he gives the obligatory speech about his ancestry.

Then declares that he is going to bring water to the village for them; ?Magambo? came back the reply.

 ?I will have a school build for your children and supply a teacher?. Again, ?Magambo?.

?I will put in a generator and supply fuel for it so you can have Electricity.? ?Magambo?.

?There will also be a couple of tractors for you to plough the fields.? ?Magambo?.

When he had finished they all stood up, bowed and clapped politely. He then had a look around the village with its round thatched huts, empty grain store on stilts and not much else. 

?I notice there is some kind of temple on the top of the hill over there. What is that all about, it seems very grand for this area??

?Oh? said the chief. ?That is the temple of the sacred Bulls; we used to worship them before the Missionary?s converted us to Christianity.?

?Any chance of having a look at it?? Asked The Politician.
 ?I wouldn?t.? Replied the chief.

" Why not? Asked The Politician.
?It has been neglected for years,
Replied the chief.

and stinks of Magambo.?

81

The Coffee Shop / Irish diet

« on: February 03, 2012, 04:33:51 pm »

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,then eat regularly
again for 2 days then skip a day ...... And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs! 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The Irishman nodded ... 'I'll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 'tird day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the f--kin' skippin'

82

The Coffee Shop / Open season in Texas, watch your drinks

« on: February 03, 2012, 04:24:32 pm »

A Coloradan and a Texan were hunting in the border when an illegal alien runs across the field.

The Texan takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.

"You can't do that!" cried the Coloradan.

"No, no, it's legal here in Texas" replies the Texan.

Later that night the Coloradan goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.
 
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.
The Coloradan thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Coloradan.

"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."

83

The Coffee Shop / Shave and hair cut, Watch your drink!

« on: January 24, 2012, 10:20:20 pm »

> SHAVE &
>
>   HAIRCUT!
>
> An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and
>
>   a haircut, but he tells the old barber he can't get all his whiskers
>
>   off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
>
> The barber gets a
>
>   little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it
>
>   inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
>
> When he's finished,
>
>   the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in
>
>   years.
>
> But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had
>
>   swallowed that little ball.
>
> The old barber replied:"Just bring
>
>   it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

84

Brag Forum / Non scrollsaw project

« on: January 23, 2012, 05:20:15 am »

Well I just finished making a wedding gift of a bread board decorated with pyrography, only my second attempt and I think it came out OK.
It's posted in the gallery where it will show a bit larger.
Gabby

85

The Coffee Shop / Doctor visit

« on: January 18, 2012, 03:49:37 pm »

See the picture it says it all.
Gabby

86

The Coffee Shop / Oly & Sven

« on: January 18, 2012, 03:34:03 pm »

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!" Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear you can drink dat yet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?" Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?" Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?" Ole says, "No dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often." Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."
Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"
Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"
Ole stopped to think. "No "
"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Iowa

87

The Coffee Shop / going nuts

« on: January 17, 2012, 10:20:33 pm »

Y'all got to bear with me I'm suffering sort of like Grampa was a while back. No cutting till it gets warm and I'm in withdrawals.
Can't get my fix, at least 3 more months till I can even think about setting up again!
So you guys and gals have to put up with my nuttyness till then.
Arghhhhh
Gabby

88

Computer questions / What are the top picks to replace Internet Exploder.

« on: January 17, 2012, 07:17:44 pm »

I'm a bit suspicious of IE8 which was on the PC when I got it home, the initial crash was caused by downloading it in the first place. So I'm thinking a different browser is needed.

I'd like your suggestions for a replacement, and reasons for what you recommend please.
Something trouble free and easy to use is what I'm looking for.
Thanks,

Frustrated and PO'd,
Gabby

89

The Coffee Shop / 80 year checkup

« on: January 17, 2012, 04:27:21 pm »

An 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer goes to the clinic in to Saskatoon for a check-up.
 
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
 
'I'm from Sask and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm In such good shape. I'm up well before daylight in the field plowing and mending fences and when I'm not doing that,
I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'
 
'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?'
 
'Who said my father's dead?'
 
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive? How old is he?'
 
'He's 100 years old,' says the old Sask boy. 'In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a Saskatchewan
farmer and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'
 
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?'
 
'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'
 
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's' still alive?'
 
'He's 118 years old,' says the man.
 
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'
 
'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'
 
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'
 
'Who said he wanted to?'
 

90

The Coffee Shop / First Time Sex

« on: January 16, 2012, 01:58:17 am »

It is clean and funny.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.



The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the  pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.




At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. 

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.


"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"



The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. 

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.


10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.


Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'



  The boy turns, and whispers back,


'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'