Topics

76

The Coffee Shop / Not My day

« on: September 03, 2010, 02:37:28 pm »

IT'S JUST NOT MY DAY ! ! ! ! !

There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
 
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jack-ass, show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Submitted by Chase

77

General Scroll Saw Talk / Schwibbogens as Decorations

« on: September 01, 2010, 04:10:31 pm »

I had about a thousand requests, well maybe a hundred, Would you believe  ten?, actually it was just one person, Janet, (Gray Beard thought about asking) who wanted to know what I do with the schwibbogens I cut. 

The answer is this:  I sell a few to support my scrollsawing habit, give a lot more away, and use some to decorate for Christmas.  Instead of the traditional candles in the windows, I use schwibbogens.  Had ten this year.  Here are a few pics.  Hope you can make them out enough to get the idea.

Whadayathink?

Chase

78

General Scroll Saw Talk / Combination Schwibbogen

« on: August 25, 2010, 01:58:17 pm »

Combination Schwibbogen

OK folks, as promised here is Nativity III.  This is a combination of scrolling and woodcarving in a schwibbogen.  It measures about 11 x 11.  Although the purest may not call it a schwibbogen (not an arch) I don?t know what else to call it.

I designed the project from a V. Arnold pattern that was in one of the scrolling mags.  The woodcarving was a C?mas ornament by Fontani.  Interestingly, this is the 2d schwib I have designed from the same set of patterns.  The other one was called Nativity IV and it was posted with my 12 Days project.  (see attachement)

You will see 2 versions of Nativity III.  I experimented with 2 different lighting variations.  On the left is a night light bulb and on the right are two mini-lights run by a transformer.  Pls let me know which one you like best.

As always, comments (both kinds) are welcome.

Whadayathink?

Submitted by Chase

79

The Coffee Shop / Falsely Accused

« on: August 25, 2010, 10:05:52 am »

No I have not seen your lipstick Why would you even ask me that? I'm insulted! Every time something goes missing around here, everybody looks at me! For your information, I don't even wear that shade.It doesn't flatter my complexion and it tastes terrible. Oops.

80

The Coffee Shop / Monkeys

« on: August 24, 2010, 05:05:50 pm »

Hope ;this isn't too political for you guys.

First of all, start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.  Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys with cold water.  After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed
with cold water.  Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.  The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.
To his shock, all of the other monkeys attack him.  After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.  The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.  Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. 
After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water.  Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.  Why not?  Because as far as they know, that is the way it has always been done around here.

And that, my fellow monkeys, is how Congress operates...

We need to REPLACE all the original monkeys this November!!!!  !!!!!!

Vote like your life depended on it...it does.

Submitted by Chase

81

The Coffee Shop / Another Blonde Joke

« on: August 20, 2010, 03:07:39 pm »

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, ?Hey, ya wanna hear a blonde joke?

  
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.  In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ?Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are  blind, that you should know five things:

     1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

     2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

     3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

     4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

     5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.?

  
Now, think about it seriously, Mister.  Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Submitted by Chase

82

The Coffee Shop / FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

« on: August 17, 2010, 03:03:06 pm »

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:


1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time,
cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn?t lie to you.

4. It?s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Submitted by Chase

83

The Coffee Shop / Blonde Joke

« on: August 16, 2010, 12:06:36 pm »

The   Grandmother of all Blonde  Jokes 

This   blonde decides one day that she is sick  and tired of  all these
Blonde jokes and  how all blondes are  perceived as stupid.  So, she
Decides to show her  husband  that blondes really are  smart.

While  her  husband is off at work, she decides that she is   going to
Paint a couple of rooms in the  house The  next day, right after  her
Husband leaves for work,  she gets  down to the task at hand.

Her husband   arrives home at 5:30 and smells the  distinctive smell  of
Paint. He walks  into the living room and finds  his wife  lying on the
Floor in a pool of sweat. He   notices that she is wearing a  heavy
Parka and a  leather jacket at the  same time. He goes over and  asks
Her if  she if OK. She replies yes. He asks  what  she is doing and she
Replies that she wanted   to prove to him that not all blonde women  are
Dumb,  and she wanted to do it by  painting the  house.

He then asks  her why she has a parka  over her leather  jacket. She
Replies that she was   reading the directions on the paint can  and  it
Said...

You'll love  this...

I  know  you will...

Scroll Down














Keep Scrolling














"FOR   BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO   COATS."

Submitted by Chase
 

84

General Scroll Saw Talk / Autumn Harvest---A Schwibbogen

« on: August 12, 2010, 02:17:11 pm »

Autumn Harvest-A Schwibbogen

This was a very interesting project.  It started with a request from my daughter-in-law for a fall schwibbogen.  As most of you know I?m not the best pattern maker, but a sort of ok as a project designer. 

I searched and searched and finally found some patterns I could use from the guys at White Tail Designs. These guys are great pattern makers and Scott gave me permission to post the catalog thumbnails.  Their patterns are sold in some of the scrolling catalogs, however they have their own catalog with many more patterns.

I used my now famous schmoushng (a word I made up) technique to design this project.  It was a challenge with many inside cuts.

Although, it doesn?t have a Christmas theme (as do most of my schwibbogens) it still meets the strict definition of a schwibbogen.

These are the patterns I started with.

http://yfrog.com/ngwtd4j

This is the pile of cut outs.

http://yfrog.com/mrautmhvstcutoutsj

And this is Autumn Harvest ? ScrollArt by Chase.

http://yfrog.com/mrautumnhvstvaj

As always, comments are welcome.  Whadayathink?

Submitted by Chase

Stay tuned for a combination of schwibbogen and wood carving.

85

The Coffee Shop / Whadayathink

« on: August 05, 2010, 11:24:29 am »

For your comments

86

General Scroll Saw Talk / Plate Portraits

« on: August 04, 2010, 11:46:24 am »

Plate Portraits

These are two projects I did these to show all what Plate Portraits are.  Both patterns are by Gayle, co-founder and head momma rabbit of ?The Scroller?s Caf??,  a scroller forum.  Gayle is a very talented pattern maker.

Both plates are bamboo picnic plates.  I only have one left and can?t find them anywhere.  There are several sites that sell actual turned wooden plates on the net.  Guess I?ll use those for future projects.

Both plate portraits utilize my sand inlay techniques.  The Blanca one is poured, the other sprinkled.

The first is of Blanca. 



She was our beloved miniature schnauzer until she went to doggie heaven last year at the age of 12.  We still miss her very much.  This portrait was for Traudy?s (my wife) birthday. 



The next is Pico.



He is a year old, 10 pound Yorkypoo.  Pico is our son?s dog and we doggie sit sometimes.  We meet in Chapel Hill (that?s about half-way for both of us and we get to shop at A Southern Season, our favorite store) and take him home with us.  We really enjoy the experience and he is a very energetic and affectionate dog.



This is a traditional portrait I did from the same pattern.



I hope you enjoy.  As always, comments welcome.

Whadayathink?

Submitted by Chase

87

The Coffee Shop / Thoughts to Ponder

« on: August 02, 2010, 07:09:03 pm »

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without gleem in his eye, make him a sandwich ..

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last long."

Submitted by Chase

88

General Scroll Saw Talk / Snowman--A Schwibbogen

« on: July 31, 2010, 01:25:37 pm »

As you can see, it?s a schwibbogen.  I  have cleverly titled it ?Snowman?.  In this post there are three tips for scrollers.  See if you can find them.

This is my first attempt at imbedding pics in the text of the article.  Click on the link and then click on the thunbnail.  I used Imageshack for this.

This was the original item.  It came from the Holiday 2008 issue of ?Creative Woodworks & Crafts?.   It was a clock pattern by White Tail Designs which I used to design the schwibbogen.  Those guys are really great pattern makers.



This is the pattern I developed from the clock pattern.



This is a pic of the cutout piece and the pasties to decorate it.



As you can see, I stack cut 4 deep.  This makes 2 schwibbogens.  The base is Poplar finished with Deft.

This is  Snowman.





Now for the tips:  ( I was going to hide them but I was afraid Janet couldn't find them LOL)

1.   When you have some fragile areas to be sanded, save the cut out scrap and tape it back in the piece.  I sand with grits 150, 220, 320, & 400.  Then tape the other side and go through the sanding grits again.



2.   To sand small pieces (the pasties), tape them back in the cut out openings and sand as above.



3.   When sanding a piece that has edges that can be caught by the edge of the sandpaper, use a sheet that is cut ?? oversize.  Fold up the edges and you?ll never catch an edge.  For random orgit sanders (5? shown) buy the next larger size disk (6? in this case) and curl up the edges.  See pic.



Comments, both kinds, are welcome and encouraged.

Whadayathnk?

Of the project and
This technique of posting?

Submitted by Chase

89

General Scroll Saw Talk / Test

« on: July 28, 2010, 11:43:49 am »

And the test goes on.

Test complete

90

The Coffee Shop / The Amazing Elephant Story

« on: July 27, 2010, 07:44:27 pm »

The Amazing Elephant Story
 
I'm not going soft, but sometimes I like these heartwarming stories, and this one truly is amazing.

Enjoy !!!


In 1986, Dan Harrison  was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it..

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage,  looked to see if any guards were around and then climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. 

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Submitted by Chase