526
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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527
The Coffee Shop / Everybody needs something like this!
« on: February 02, 2012, 03:13:09 am »
A Place to feel SAFE!
528
The Coffee Shop / Do you let your dog sleep with you?
« on: February 02, 2012, 12:09:12 am »
The REAL truth about dogs sleeping with their owners....
529
The Coffee Shop / A Birthday Gift for the Wife... <definite drink warning!>
« on: January 31, 2012, 05:01:18 pm »
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
a.. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
b.. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
c.. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
d.. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
e.. I had no control over the drooling.
f.. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, butt was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
g.. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
a.. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
b.. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
c.. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
d.. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
e.. I had no control over the drooling.
f.. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, butt was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
g.. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
531
The Coffee Shop / Copper Wire discovery!!!
« on: January 31, 2012, 11:37:50 am »
Copper Wire Discovered
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Ironton, Mo. reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Pilot Knob, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Missouri had already gone wireless".
Just makes a person proud to be from Missouri
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Ironton, Mo. reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Pilot Knob, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Missouri had already gone wireless".
Just makes a person proud to be from Missouri
532
The Coffee Shop / Be Happy!!!
« on: January 27, 2012, 05:32:26 pm »THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.
How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.
Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.
Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?
Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Working for God on earth does not pay much,
But His Retirement plan is
Out of this world!!
534
General Scroll Saw Talk / What to Buy???
« on: January 27, 2012, 11:40:39 am »
For Christmas I received a $40 gift card for WoodCraft...
Last week I received a card that announces this weekend they are having a "Bag Sale"...20% Off anything that will fit in the bag you receive when you enter.
I don't do pens or turning so I m looking for ideas. I don't need glue, stains, wood or tools. One thing I will buy is some pocket hole screws.
Other Suggestions?
~~~GB~~~
Last week I received a card that announces this weekend they are having a "Bag Sale"...20% Off anything that will fit in the bag you receive when you enter.
I don't do pens or turning so I m looking for ideas. I don't need glue, stains, wood or tools. One thing I will buy is some pocket hole screws.
Other Suggestions?
~~~GB~~~
535
The Coffee Shop / "Burned Biscuits"
« on: January 27, 2012, 10:52:56 am »
When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.
I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.
I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!
Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit.
He ate every bite of that thing... Never made a face nor uttered a word about it!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.
And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,
"Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"
As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.
I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.
But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences -
is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. And that's my prayer for you today...
That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God.
Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!
We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!
"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own."
So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.
I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.
I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!
Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit.
He ate every bite of that thing... Never made a face nor uttered a word about it!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.
And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,
"Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"
As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.
I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.
But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences -
is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. And that's my prayer for you today...
That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God.
Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!
We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!
"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own."
So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.
536
General Scroll Saw Talk / Need Router Bits?
« on: January 27, 2012, 10:31:00 am »
Sale at Peachtree....
Lots of popular bits....$9.99
http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_012712.htm
~~~GB~~~
Lots of popular bits....$9.99
http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_012712.htm
~~~GB~~~
537
The Coffee Shop / "Clean" humor!
« on: January 26, 2012, 01:44:37 pm »
Here's a little "CLEAN" humor with a good moral ...
The Pastor's Ass
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race...
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
of the donkey..
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ....
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..
..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!
And remember... sharing is caring!
The Pastor's Ass
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race...
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
of the donkey..
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ....
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..
..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!
And remember... sharing is caring!
538
The Coffee Shop / Publisher ready to release new book.."Understanding Women" in paperback!
« on: January 26, 2012, 09:49:19 am »
However it may be a bit hard to ship!
"Understanding Women"
"Understanding Women"
539
The Coffee Shop / "A woman in the Changing Room"!
« on: January 25, 2012, 12:37:54 pm »
Ladies....Watch what happens when your 'guy' goes in the changing room!
http://www.heaven666.org/embed/58709
~~~GB~~~
http://www.heaven666.org/embed/58709
~~~GB~~~
540
General Scroll Saw Talk / Need more CLAMPS???
« on: January 24, 2012, 12:31:54 pm »
Looks like some nice ones at Lee Valley...and at $17.50 each (avg.) the price is right.
http://www.leevalley.com/US/wood/page.aspx?cat=1,43837,43838&p=68986
~~~GB~~~
http://www.leevalley.com/US/wood/page.aspx?cat=1,43837,43838&p=68986
~~~GB~~~
