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Topics - GrayBeard

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511
General Scroll Saw Talk / Recommended Supplier....
« on: February 16, 2012, 08:33:25 pm »
For those in the continental US....

"The Handsome Woodman"

I bought some stuff from them and the service was great and the prices were OK....
Shipping was a bit steep to the midwest but what I got for my money was great.
Pictures coming soon.

~~~GB~~~

512
The Coffee Shop / Italian Fire Fighting Brigade....
« on: February 15, 2012, 12:09:12 am »
One dark night in the small town of Jessup, Pa., a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink, the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly, from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into

sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Dunmore volunteer fire department, composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Dunmore old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president

joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally
thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'

'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luc Cinellavanti, the 75 year-old fire chief,  'de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat Friggina truck!!'

513
The Coffee Shop / "The Shoplifter!"
« on: February 15, 2012, 12:05:50 am »
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."

The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.  The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

514
General Scroll Saw Talk / Foot Switch....state your preference...
« on: February 13, 2012, 10:28:15 am »
I'm in for the 'deadman' style connected to saw and shop vac.

~~~GB~~~

516
The Coffee Shop / Minnesota Love Story......
« on: February 09, 2012, 10:07:15 pm »
Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.

Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he told her, Nah, yust put it on our tab.

So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da general store, den walked back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn't you yust give me some money?

Ole replied, Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet.

517
Pattern Requests. / "Oriental" patterns...
« on: February 09, 2012, 05:23:04 pm »
My S.O. spent several years in Japan and her place has a definite 'oriental flair' when it comes to art and decorative items.
Thus my decidedly Southwestern/Native American slant to my cuttings just don't really fit in.

If any of you have any leads on 'oriental patterns' I would sure appreciate the information!

~~~GB~~~

518
General Scroll Saw Talk / Interesting Ad....
« on: February 09, 2012, 01:46:05 pm »

519
The Coffee Shop / Some 'random thoughts'....
« on: February 08, 2012, 11:45:58 pm »
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'
She hit me.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.



Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?



When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!



Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!


Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.



Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?




Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
And, since it's in English,
Thank a soldier'


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

520
The Coffee Shop / Elections....
« on: February 08, 2012, 04:23:23 pm »
Heaven & Hell
While walking down the street one day a politician is
tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is
met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the lady
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the
politician.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts
her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open
and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her friends and
other politicians who had worked with her, everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the
good times
they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a
friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also
present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is
time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven
where St.Peter is waiting for her.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the politician
joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing
the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now
choose your eternity."
She reflects for a minute, then the politician answers: "Well, I
would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I
think I would be better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down,
down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle
of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the politician. Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of
garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning.
Today you voted for us!"

521
The Coffee Shop / "Punctuation" Strikes Again....
« on: February 08, 2012, 01:23:57 pm »
Watch where you put those "commas"!!!


522
General Scroll Saw Talk / Wake up call for ALL of US!
« on: February 08, 2012, 12:07:36 pm »
Two days after Christmas, Abbie Raga's dad was having a hard time breathing. Tom Raga told his 7-year-old daughter to call 911.
Tom estimates he spent two hours making cuts on wood for a project in an unventilated room in the family's home in the 800 block of Hidden Spring Drive in unincorporated St. Charles County. Feeling light headed, he went upstairs and sat down on a sofa.
"I was out of breath. It was getting to the point I couldn't take a breath," Tom said. "I'd had a headache for 45 minutes to an hour, and the last 10 to 15 minutes it intensified a lot. I laid down and called my wife, and said, 'You've got to come home.'"
Then Abbie took over, becoming Tom's lifeline until paramedics arrived. Her calm voice can be heard as she talked to St. Charles County Ambulance District dispatcher Vicki Schramm for about four minutes before a neighbor arrived. Tom never lost consciousness, but said the ordeal was too painful for him to talk.
"I called 911 for my dad because he couldn't breathe or talk," Abbie said. "It was probably like he didn't want to talk because it hurt."
Abbie's mom, Lynn, was at work in Clayton when Tom became ill. Abbie had already called Lynn and told her her dad was sick and to come home, but she was at least 20 minutes away. Abbie had to act to help her dad.
During the 911 call, Schramm guided Abbie to unlock the front door, turn on the front porch light and keep checking on Tom's status. She passed all of Schramm's instructions with flying colors.
Schramm, who has worked for the ambulance district for 10 years, has children and grandchildren of her own. During the course of the 911 call, Schramm's tone with Abbie is motherly and soothing. Schramm said children don't get enough credit for how they react to emergency situations.
"We talk about different types of callers all the time," Schramm said of her fellow dispatchers. "A child caller is almost perfect because they do what you ask, and if you talk to them they will talk back. They typically will stay calm if you are calm with them.
"We don't get an enormous amount of child callers," she said. "Usually when we get a child caller it seems like an adult takes over right away."
Abbie's neighbor didn't start talking to Schramm until the paramedics were well on their way. At one point during their conversation, Schramm asks Abbie if Tom is changing colors. Abbie said he wasn't and that it looked like he as thinking about something.
"At one point (Tom) got on the phone and it was clear he was struggling to breathe," Schramm said. "I told him, 'Let your daughter have the phone because she's doing wonderful.'"
Given Tom's symptoms, he thought he was having a heart attack. Given his age, 53, paramedics reached the same conclusion, and Tom said he was administered nitroglycerin. He was rushed to the emergency room at Barnes-Jewish St. Peters Hospital, where he said he spent about two hours before being allowed to go home.
Tom wondered what would have happened if Abbie had been in school that day. The Ragas' 5-year-old son, Andrew, was also home at the time. Tom called his neighbor on his cell phone, then gave the phone to Andrew, who told the neighbor his dad needed help.
"I could have been here by myself," Tom said. "I could have passed out. It got to that point. Abbie got the iPad and I started reading the symptoms, and I didn't have the symptoms of a heart attack. After that, I don't remember a lot."
For the large part she played in getting Tom to the hospital quickly, Abbie has been the subject of TV reports, was recognized during the Francis Howell school board's Jan. 19 meeting, and was honored by the ambulance district on Jan. 25, when she was presented with a special citizen service award and a gift certificate from Build A Bear.
Abbie said she doesn't think she's a hero, even though her dad, Schramm and members of the ambulance district would disagree. During the interview with a newspaper reporter, Abbie started sobbing as she talked about that day. Her dad quickly swept her up into his arms, and she burrowed her face into his chest.
Sometimes it's OK just to be a 7-year-old girl who loves her daddy.


http://www.stltoday.com/suburban-journals/stcharles/news/st-charles-county-girl-kept-her-cool-during-call/article_b9217445-6081-5617-931e-18c2a67de9c2.html#ixzz1loLGHVuk

523
The Coffee Shop / And where did You leave the KEYS????
« on: February 05, 2012, 01:32:27 pm »
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my keys.  They were not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
 
Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.  Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.  My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.  Her theory is that the car will be stolen.  As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion.  Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.
 
I immediately call the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. 

Then I made the most difficult call of all, ?Honey,? I stammered.  I always call her ?honey? in times like these.  ?I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.?

There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane?s voice. ?Ken? she barked, ?I dropped you off!?  Now it was my time to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, ?Well, come and get me.? 

Diane retorted, ?I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car??

Is this classed as a "Senior Moment"?

~~~GB~~~

524
The Coffee Shop / What happened to the USA?!?!?!?!?
« on: February 04, 2012, 04:45:33 pm »
10 years ago the USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope & Johnny Cash...




Now they have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.


~~~GB~~~

525
General Scroll Saw Talk / One way to cover your mistakes!
« on: February 04, 2012, 12:17:43 am »
And some scrollers do it!


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