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The Coffee Shop / Heroes
« on: January 30, 2012, 04:10:32 am »
Hey all, I became a Hero and only just realised it. Where do I apply for my "cape"
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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333
The Coffee Shop / Elderly Bats
« on: January 29, 2012, 01:41:28 pm »
Due to my sick sense of humour I found this quite funny .
334
Pattern Requests. / Chess
« on: January 22, 2012, 02:20:02 pm »
I know this sounds silly, but has anyone got a pattern for a "Knight" chess peice please?
335
Brag Forum / Jack Russell Clock.
« on: January 22, 2012, 10:09:35 am »
After making my neighbour a "Tractor Clock, His daughter asked if I could make her a "Jack Russell Clock" Here is the result...
336
The Coffee Shop / Total Defiance
« on: January 19, 2012, 04:35:17 pm »
When faced with complete disaster
TOTAL defiance is the only recourse
TOTAL defiance is the only recourse
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Brag Forum / Message for my Girlfriend
« on: January 18, 2012, 02:11:13 pm »
I have just finished making this for my better half. All comments greatly received
338
General Scroll Saw Talk / EX16 Vibration
« on: January 17, 2012, 05:41:48 pm »
You wont believe it, I broke it again. I have to call Axminster in the morning as my EX16 gave a knoce when I turned it on, now I have the same vibration back again, not quite as bad as before, but bad enough. It's not too bad up to half speed , but as you increase the speed after that it gets worse, on full speed it shakes the shed lol. I'll be pleased to find out what it is that causes it, Axminster only gave me new machine on 23rd December, and I've only made about 9 or ten items on it before it went again, not doing too good, 2 machines in just over a month. 8th December I bought the first one.
339
The Coffee Shop / School Grades
« on: January 14, 2012, 12:52:37 am »
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!" Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and
the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry
replied: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
Harry was taking charge.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake h ands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft.! My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!" Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and
the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry
replied: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
Harry was taking charge.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake h ands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft.! My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
340
The Coffee Shop / I'm Tired
« on: January 14, 2012, 12:40:04 am »
I'm Tired.
Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on middle age, poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under arm odour, yellow wax build up and another dozen maladies that make you wonder if life really is worth living.
But I find out T'aint that.
I'm tired because I'M overworked.
The population of this country is 51 million, 21 million are retired. That leaves 30 million to do the work. There are 19 million in school. That leaves 11 million to do the work, of this total 2 million are unemployed, and 4 million are employed by the government. That leaves 5 million to do the work. One million are in the armed forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work. From that total 3 million are employed by County and Borough Councils, leaving one million to do the work. There are 62.000 people in hospitals and 937.998 in prisons.
That leaves 2 people to do the work.
You and Me.
And you are sitting on your butt reading this.
No wonder I'm bloody tired!!!!
Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on middle age, poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under arm odour, yellow wax build up and another dozen maladies that make you wonder if life really is worth living.
But I find out T'aint that.
I'm tired because I'M overworked.
The population of this country is 51 million, 21 million are retired. That leaves 30 million to do the work. There are 19 million in school. That leaves 11 million to do the work, of this total 2 million are unemployed, and 4 million are employed by the government. That leaves 5 million to do the work. One million are in the armed forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work. From that total 3 million are employed by County and Borough Councils, leaving one million to do the work. There are 62.000 people in hospitals and 937.998 in prisons.
That leaves 2 people to do the work.
You and Me.
And you are sitting on your butt reading this.
No wonder I'm bloody tired!!!!
341
The Coffee Shop / Golf
« on: January 12, 2012, 01:40:45 pm »
A golfer and his wife walked into a dentist's reception...
The Golfer said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, ‘My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.’
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and replied, "Open your mouth dear, and show him"!
The Golfer said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, ‘My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.’
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and replied, "Open your mouth dear, and show him"!
342
Brag Forum / My Latest work
« on: January 12, 2012, 01:28:55 pm »
A picture of my latest projects, the Cross was requested as a memorial by my ex sister in law for her parents. The Tractor is a modified plan of Steve's, a present for my neighbour (he comes round in his tractor with a trailor to take away our garden rubbish) and the sign was a request from a very good friend. It's rude so I won't tell you what the initials stand for 
343
The Coffee Shop / Camels
« on: January 06, 2012, 03:49:23 pm »
I was sent these by email today, I know they're old ones, but still they made me laugh...
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The Coffee Shop / ---HAPPY NEW YEAR ---
« on: December 30, 2011, 11:10:32 am »
I would just like to wish everybody here a very Happy and prosperous New Year. and take this oportunity of thanking everyone for their help over the last few months, it has made my learning curve a lot easier, thank you everyone.
345
Brag Forum / my latest work
« on: December 29, 2011, 11:32:28 am »
Here are 2 pictures of my latest work, a cross for my daughter and a lucky Irish clock
