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Topics - GrayBeard

Pages: 1 ... 20 21 [22] 23 24 ... 117
316
The Coffee Shop / Ole's weight problem!
« on: November 09, 2012, 04:33:10 pm »
Ole was turning 78 and was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

Ole nodded... "I'll tell you though, by God, I thought I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3rd day."

"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"Hell no, it wuz from all dat damn skippin!"

317
The Coffee Shop / Politicians!!!!
« on: November 05, 2012, 04:19:05 pm »
and how they look!

318
The Coffee Shop / MY feelings about POLITICS!!!
« on: October 28, 2012, 11:01:18 am »
Let's Start Over!!!!

319
The Coffee Shop / We need a Real Leader!
« on: October 27, 2012, 12:31:06 pm »
If I Could go back in time and pick a leader to follow....One that was for his people.....Sitting Bull.

~~~GB~~~

320
The Coffee Shop / A new WORD ...
« on: October 27, 2012, 12:29:53 pm »
just received this from my daughter...she has found a new word!

EXHAUSTIPATED. . . . Too tired to give a C _ _ p!

~~~GB~~~

322
The Coffee Shop / A Halloween Tale.....
« on: October 24, 2012, 09:03:04 pm »

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night.............

 

   

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."


With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.


After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.


The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.


Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!


Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.


He bursts in and shouts to his master:






"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"


Oh come on....you should have seen that coming!

323
The Coffee Shop / Happy Birthday DW!!!
« on: October 24, 2012, 08:03:48 pm »
Best wishes for many more!

~~~GB~~~

324
The Coffee Shop / Congratulations to "dgman"!
« on: October 22, 2012, 03:15:30 pm »
He has posted 6,001 pieces of advice and sage comments!

Thanks for all you have done, Dan!!!

~~~GB~~~

325
The Coffee Shop / What the engineers say and what they really mean!!!
« on: October 20, 2012, 10:18:08 pm »
1.   A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.

2.   EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3.   CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.

4.   MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

5.   CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

6.   PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7.   TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8.   THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.

9.   IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10.   WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it. We have enough problems for now.

11.   PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

12.   GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

13.   GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!

14.   SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.

15.   ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16.   RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!

17.   LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.

18.   YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.

19.   ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.

20.   LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.

21.   WE'RE GOING TO FOLLOW A STRICT METHODOLOGY HERE - We're going to do it my way.

326
The Coffee Shop / It's Halloween!
« on: October 20, 2012, 10:11:49 pm »
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."

~~~BG~~~

327
The Coffee Shop / Young Girl protects her self from harm!
« on: October 20, 2012, 03:10:53 pm »
12 year old girl shoots home invader while calling 911!
Don't mess with the folks in Oklahoma....

http://video.msnbc.msn.com/nbc-news/49478604#49477936

~~~GB~~~

328
The Coffee Shop / Halloween!
« on: October 20, 2012, 11:02:43 am »
Don't let someone else choose your costume!



329
The Coffee Shop / Redneck Repair Shop....
« on: October 19, 2012, 10:02:45 pm »
I got 'er fixed!

330
The Coffee Shop / Redneck Creativity...
« on: October 19, 2012, 10:01:32 pm »
If it works.....


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SMF

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