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Topics - GrayBeard

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271
The Coffee Shop / The New Employee! <coffee alert>
« on: December 21, 2012, 06:58:48 pm »
There  is a factory in Northern  Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me  Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it  under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The  Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her  first day promptly at 8:00  am.  

The  next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the  Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws  open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He  complains that she is incredibly slow and the  whole line is backing up, putting the entire  production line behind schedule.


The  Personnel Manager decides he should see this for  himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory  floor. When they get there the line is so backed  up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the  factory floor and they're really beginning to  pile up.

At the end of the line stands  Lena surrounded  by mountains of  Tickle  Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric  and a huge bag of small marbles.  

The  2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little  piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and  begins to carefully sew the little package  between Elmo's legs.  

The  Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After  several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself  together and approaches Lena .  

'I'm  sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a  straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood  the instructions I gave you  yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo  two test tickles.  

272
The Coffee Shop / Muslim Terrorists! (all in fun!)
« on: December 21, 2012, 11:08:21 am »
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You cook over burning camel crap
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??
Well no s%$# Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get much worse!!!

274
The Coffee Shop / And to whom do YOU make donations?
« on: December 20, 2012, 06:36:40 pm »

 KNOW WHO YOU ARE GIVING TO!
 
 
As you open your pocketbooks.........

The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans' salary for the year was $951,957 plus expenses.

The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $675,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.

 
UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,900,000 per year (158K) per month, plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than 5 cents (4.4 cents) per donated dollar goes to the cause.


HOWEVER?

The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.

The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

? The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

? The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

? The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

? The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
 
No further comment is necessary.

275
General Scroll Saw Talk / He has it but it ain't right!
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:18:34 pm »
Pete (yyyyguy) was here for a visit and he received his new DW788 and set it up...
He wanted some advice and pointers and when he told me about it I suggested he return it!!!

Seems his new 788 has severe front to back play in the blade travel. >:( >:( >:(

He is going to check with 'dgman' and Rick H. but I think it is going to have to be returned.

Tough break....

~~~GB~~~

276
The Coffee Shop / A nice visit....
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:13:44 pm »
with Pete and Donna! 'yyyyguy' and his missus!
It was great to see them and enjoyed the short visit.

They are glad they are here and not home with the 15" of snow on the driveway!

~~~GB~~~

277
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P99p6l8v0FQ

I would have grabbed a partner and joined in!

~~~GB~~~

279
The Coffee Shop / Worth the time....
« on: December 18, 2012, 10:37:25 am »

280
Brag Forum / I has been bizzy!
« on: December 17, 2012, 06:36:33 pm »
two versions of the Crown of Thorns....one from a basswood plank and the other from 1/4" Sandeply!

281
Brag Forum / Mountain Lion.....
« on: December 17, 2012, 05:31:45 pm »
For my Daughter and son-in-law for their upcoming mountain retreat...
I had Charlie D. do the original pattern
12 x 14 - 1/8" BB - BLO & Satin Lacquer, backer 1/8" BB stained dark walnut with satin lacquer
Frame from 1 x 3 Poplar...routed, rabbeted and trimmed..Dark walnut stain with Shellac finish

~~~GB~~~

282
The Coffee Shop / Ornament photo as promised!
« on: December 17, 2012, 03:09:05 pm »
Here is the photo of the beautiful and whimsical ornaments made so well by Mike (towdude) Edmonds

Once again, Thank You, Mike!

283
The Coffee Shop / Why parents DRINK!
« on: December 17, 2012, 02:19:37 pm »
 Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.  I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son,
 
John


PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

284
The Coffee Shop / Morbid Winter Humor!
« on: December 16, 2012, 07:34:35 pm »
So Sad!!!

285
General Scroll Saw Talk / Feeding Blades..bottom or top?
« on: December 16, 2012, 12:15:28 pm »
OK..I am a bottom feeder! Using my 788 and spiral blades this is a must for me.
Want to waste blades? Try top feeding spiral blades through a project that is a stack of 3 - 1/8" and 1 - 1/4" BBplywood = 5/8" overall thickness.
I also use an Easy-Lift system to keep the upper arm out of the way.
Since I am retired and in NO HURRY this works for me.
After I drill my pilot holes I flip the project face down and take one of the 'el cheapo' sanding sponges from HF and knock off all the little bits and pieces left from drilling.
I drill 20 holes at a time so I get a count of the cuts made and a 'break' from sawing so I get up and move around and give the back and hands something else to do besides sitting and cutting.

It works for me!

~~~GB~~~

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