211
The Coffee Shop / Christmas
« on: December 08, 2012, 01:38:18 pm »
Just so you don't worry if this happens.....
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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213
Brag Forum / 18th birthday present.
« on: December 06, 2012, 08:17:24 am »
A friend of mine asked me to make an 18th birthday present for their neice. They wanted a key with their own message on it, so I changed the words on Steve's key pattern to come up with this. It is cut from rosewood, and finished with BLO/thinners in 50/50 mix, then three coats of celulose gloss lacquer. Hope you like it.
214
The Coffee Shop / BEWARE of this SCAM
« on: December 02, 2012, 03:21:19 pm »
Over the last month or so I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket store, in my case, Tesco's.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th. Twice yesterday.
So please warn all the men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times are just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for ?1.99 each but Lidl are ?1.75 and look better.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket store, in my case, Tesco's.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and 13th. Twice yesterday.
So please warn all the men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times are just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for ?1.99 each but Lidl are ?1.75 and look better.
215
The Coffee Shop / ipad technology
« on: December 01, 2012, 05:13:20 pm »
A Daughter is visiting her father, she asks,
?Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new iPad we gave you for father's day?"
This is in German but translation isn?t necessary.
http://www.snotr.com/video/8965/
?Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new iPad we gave you for father's day?"
This is in German but translation isn?t necessary.
http://www.snotr.com/video/8965/
216
Brag Forum / Trinket Boxes
« on: December 01, 2012, 11:18:40 am »
I know this isn't scroll saw work, but thought you might like to see the first of 50 boxes I have to make for the "Wheal Jane Mine". They are made from Yew and the lids have to accomodate the little filigree insert shown in the picture. The insert is made from Cornish Tin actually mined on the site. (they gave me the one in picture to use for making the lids.) I get ?10 per box, then they fit the inserts to the lid and sell them on their website for ?35.
217
The Coffee Shop / Micro Surgeons conference in New York.
« on: November 29, 2012, 01:51:57 pm »After the Micro Surgeons conference in New York, the leading surgeons were in a bar and, being drunk as skunks began to reminisce over their greatest feats.
The first, An Australian surgeon explained: ?We had a chap caught in a printing press at a factory last year and all that was left of him was his little finger. Our team of surgeons constructed a new hand and built a new arm, engineered a new body and ultimately, when he returned to the workforce, he was so efficient he put 5 men out of work?.
?That?s nothing? added the American surgeon, ?We had a worker trapped inside a nuclear reactor and all that was left of him was his hair. We constructed a new skull, a new torso and new limbs and returned him to the workforce. He is so efficient now he has put 50 men out of work?.
The English surgeon was not to be outdone!
?I was walking down the street when I got the smell of a fart, so I took it back to the hospital in a garbage bag, let it loose on the table and got to work. First of all we wrapped an arsehole round it and built a bum around that, attached a body to one end and legs to the other. Gradually it turned into a man called David Cameron and he has put the whole f*****g country out of work?.
218
The Coffee Shop / Santa is a myth - Proof at last!!!! Sorry Kids
« on: November 28, 2012, 07:03:56 pm »There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on
his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. In .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
Merry Christmas.
219
Pattern Requests. / Eagle
« on: November 28, 2012, 03:36:28 pm »
some time agosomeone posted a picture of an Eagle soaring, and beside it was the words You are the wind beneath my wings. Does anyone know where I can buy the eagle pattern from? it was perfect for what I want but I cant find it anywhere.
Keith
Keith
220
The Coffee Shop / How to upset a frog
« on: November 21, 2012, 01:51:49 pm »
You gotta watch this lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzXM58qR1Es
221
The Coffee Shop / second one.
« on: November 21, 2012, 08:38:38 am »
This is the other joke I was sent, which I thought was SOOOOOOOO truthful!!!
N.H.S. As Seen By Doctors.
Proposed cuts to the National Health Service.
The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn?t hear of it.
The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London .
N.H.S. As Seen By Doctors.
Proposed cuts to the National Health Service.
The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn?t hear of it.
The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in London .
222
The Coffee Shop / just had to share this
« on: November 21, 2012, 06:46:48 am »
I was sent a couple of emails from one of our lovely members here and laughed so much I just had to share them with you all.here is the first (I'll post the other one seperately) :-
The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired..'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bi*ch out the window.
The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired..'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bi*ch out the window.
223
Pattern Requests. / another pattern request.
« on: November 20, 2012, 06:43:04 am »
Has anyone got a pattern (or know where I can buy one) for a "Vespa Scooter" I was asked for one at my last craft fair and said I would look for one. It is to go in an 8" x 10" picture frame.
Thanks in advance,
Keith.
Thanks in advance,
Keith.
224
General Scroll Saw Talk / EX21
« on: November 19, 2012, 02:53:41 pm »
Yet again I had to take my machine back to the shop, it was vibrating again and had a "clicking" sound coming from the linkage at the motor end. I got it to Axminster Power Tools and they were looking at it within minutes of me getting there. They spotted the problem within seconds, there is a small link attatched to the motor shaft with an eccentric bearing in one end. That bearing had come out of the link about an 1/8th inch, this meant the link was no longer straight but sitting at an angle, this in turn meant the side of the link was wearing away where it was touching another rod and the needle roller bearing at other end of the link was running out of line, damaging the needle roller bearing. It took about 15 mins to replace the link rod after first removing the new bearing then refitting it with locktite to stop it coming out again. While I was there they also stripped the top arm and replaced the adjuster mechanism in that linkage with a new type as there had been probs with the old type breaking. Then they set up and adjusted the machine and tested it. All ok and running smooth again. Once again Axminster Power Tools have proved their back up service is second to none.
225
Brag Forum / Craft Fair.
« on: November 18, 2012, 01:45:07 pm »
I have just finished a 2 day craft fair. There wasn't as many people coming in as I would have liked but I still sold quite well. I sold £138.50 of my bits, and I sold raffle tickets for the " Santa" (on r/h side of table in pic) I made £79.00 profit in ticket sales for the santa which is a lot more than I could have got just selling it. In total I made £217.50 so not too bad a profit for 2 days selling. I have attatched 2 pictures, but sorry about the quality as they were taken on my phone.
