Topics

1711

General Scroll Saw Talk / Price Alert....

« on: June 04, 2010, 09:26:35 am »

Seven Forstner Bit set, 3/8" to 1"....$10.99

Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Delta-15-603-7-Piece-Forstner-Assortment/dp/B000056NPJ/ref=pe_32240_15719200_as_img_5/

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1712

The Coffee Shop / Rainy and VERY humid so......

« on: June 03, 2010, 10:53:31 am »

today is clean the office and clean out the computer and do maintenance!

Hate to do it but it has to be done!

So many files....So little time!!!

1713

The Coffee Shop / Medical Technology and Seniors!

« on: June 03, 2010, 07:48:54 am »

      Childbirth at 65 (Too good not to pass on, Enjoy!)
 
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.
 
 

  When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
 
 'May I see the new baby?' I asked
 
 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
 
 Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
 
 'No, not yet,' She said.
 
 After another few minutes had elapsed,
 
 I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
 
 'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
                    Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
 
 
    'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
 
    'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM O.K.?!!

1714

The Coffee Shop / Ever tried 'internet dating'?

« on: June 03, 2010, 07:44:27 am »

Here are some posts to a Florida "Senior Dating Service"...




FOXY LADY FROM KINGS POINT:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT - BOCA TEECA:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.  Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: CENTURYVILLAGE-LYONS ROAD :
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE - BROKEN SOUND
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? - Boca Lago
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.  If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS - FORT LAUDERDALE
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

IN MINT CONDITION - DELRAY BEACH
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

1715

The Coffee Shop / Having a Bad Day?

« on: June 03, 2010, 07:36:36 am »

Then you'll identify with this guy....

A  little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well,  whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly,  as the little guy bursts into tears.  

"Come  on, man," the biker says, " I
didn't think you'd  CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."  

"This  is the worst day of my life," says the little  guy.

 "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting,  and my Boss fired me. When I went to the parking  lot, I found my car stolen and I don't have any  insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took  home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener  and then my own dog bit me.

"So  I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all ..

I  buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and I sit here watching the poison dissolve; then a wise #$%  like you shows up and drinks the whole darn thing!"

1716

The Coffee Shop / IF this is true!!!!!

« on: June 02, 2010, 03:31:13 pm »

I had this pop up on my Facebook page a few minutes ago!

If TRUE this guy should be boiled in his own darn oil!!!!

"British Petroleum (BP) representative Randy
Prescott made a comment, ?Louisiana isn?t the only place that has
shrimp.? His office phone number is (713)323-4093 and his email is
randy.prescott@bp.com Give him a call or send an email! Tell him ?BP
isn?t the only place that has fuel for my car!? PLEASE REPOST!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1717

General Scroll Saw Talk / My new 788 and me!

« on: June 02, 2010, 08:47:06 am »

Being the son of an airplane mechanic and a 'shade tree' mechanic myself I always have the desire to know how my tools WORK and what's inside that makes them do what they do.
I was surprised when I got my new saw home and set up that NO full exploded view diagram of the inner machine and a parts list was not included.
Thanks to Sheila I was referred to <ereplacementparts.com> where I was able to download the full exploded diagrams, parts list and all pricing and availability information.
I imagine that most of you 788 owners already knew this but I am putting this information here for those 'newbies' who have just acquired their saws and for those contemplating the eventual purchase of the 788.
Now when you talk about that "L" shaped rod n the tension system I at least know where to look and can see what it does!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1718

General Scroll Saw Talk / For the "Word Art" afficionodoes...a QUESTION....

« on: June 01, 2010, 05:13:42 pm »

How about giving the rest of us some idea of the "Typefaces" you use for your projects.

What I am trying to come up with is something to use that approximates the R/C

in the logo at this site...http://rivercityrascals.com/

Many Thanks for any assistance!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1719

The Coffee Shop / Do you use 'organic' vegetables?

« on: May 31, 2010, 10:09:34 pm »

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.

I went and looked around and couldn't find any.

 

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

 

"The produce guy looked at me and said,

"No. You'll have to do that yourself."

1720

The Coffee Shop / Time for Seniors to be tested!

« on: May 31, 2010, 10:00:43 pm »

Our Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert.. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your faculties compare to the last test..
Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty..  Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not.. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer..   OK, relax, clear your mind and begin..


1.. What do you put in a toaster?





Answer: 'bread..' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else.... Try not to hurt yourself..

If you said, bread, go to Question 2..



2..   Say 'silk' five times.. Now spell 'silk..' What do cows drink?





Answer: Cows drink water.. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3..



3.. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?





Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass..   If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4..



4..   It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany )..  Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail.. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany ...... Where would you bury the survivors?   East Germany, West Germany,  or no man's land'?





Answer: You don't bury survivors.. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question....



5.. Without using a  calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales..   In London, 17 people get on the bus.. In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.. In  Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.. In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.. In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.. You then arrive at Milford Haven   ......


Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?





Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own age?   It was YOU driving the bus!!


If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you..


PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

1721

The Coffee Shop / OH, To be TWELVE again!!!

« on: May 31, 2010, 09:12:06 pm »

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He lovingly leaned over his wife with a big smile and asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you IDIOT!!!!'


The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1722

The Coffee Shop / Mafia Bookkeeper....

« on: May 31, 2010, 01:24:10 am »

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million dollars..

His bookkeeper is deaf & dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.

Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Don't we just LOVE Lawyers?!

1723

The Coffee Shop / Wine vs. Water!

« on: May 31, 2010, 01:11:22 am »

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of POOP..

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I'm doing it as a public service!!!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1724

The Coffee Shop / Went Fishing today.....

« on: May 31, 2010, 12:54:12 am »

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.   
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right  behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.   
I grabbed my trusty bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back and he went limp.   
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on my fishing with the frog.   
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.


There was that same damn snake with two frogs in his mouth.
 
Would I lie to you?

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1725

The Coffee Shop / I MUST say this......

« on: May 30, 2010, 03:34:48 pm »

I have NEVER enjoyed a birthday like this one!

So many nice wishes and advice and 'needlin' from my 'online' friends from around the U.S. and the whole WORLD!

May your blades never break, may your cuts always be true and...

May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You ALL!

~~~GrayBeard~~~