Topics

166

Brag Forum / Some Ducks and Eagles

« on: May 18, 2012, 02:39:28 pm »

I have been busy with the birds. I recently bought a used band saw and used it to cut out some ducks and eagles that I hope to sell, if I have any left that is. My brothers and in-laws have their orders in, free gratis of course. Both patterns are from Miesel, the ducks were featured in the latest issue of SSWC. ( The ducks don't have their eyes yet, they are backordered from Miesel). Maybe I'll put them on the lawn with tiny sunglasses on them.  That should be interesting. I have sold a good number of the larger one over the last several years. This year I had the pattern re-sized  so now I have 4 sizes available.

167

Pattern Requests. / chiropractor

« on: May 10, 2012, 06:00:10 pm »

Does anyone have anything in fretwork for a chiropractor. Mine is working double time trying to get me straightened out, literally. I thought I would show him my appreciation. Thanks in advance if you can help.

168

The Coffee Shop / Humour

« on: May 01, 2012, 06:41:31 pm »

Adam blamed Eve.
 Eve blamed the snake
 and the snake didn't have a leg to stand on...

169

The Coffee Shop / have a great day

« on: April 21, 2012, 08:35:37 am »

It is a grand day here in the bay. I hope all my forum friends have a wonderful day at what ever you do, remember to be SAFE!!!!! It is better to hear from ya than read about ya.

170

The Coffee Shop / Wood

« on: April 14, 2012, 03:40:30 pm »

This man always boasted that he could tell anything about a tree. Another man who owned a lumber yard decided to test him out. So they go into the woods. The lumber yard owner points to a beautiful pine and asks, " How many board feet of 1x6 inch board will I get from that tree. The guy looks it up and down and says, "from that tree you will get 200 linear feet of 1x 6 board. The lumber yard owner tells his crew to cut the tree and slice it up into 1x6 inch board, and the report from the formen was there was exactly 200 feet in the tree. Amazed the owned takes him further into the woods and points to a gigantic maple and asks,"   how much 1/8 veneer will this tree produce". Again the man sizes up the tree and reports back that," you will get 1435 square feet of veneer from that maple tree. Again the owner had his men fell the tree and  had it reduced to veneer. His foreman reports back the indeed there was exactly 1435 sq ft of veneer in the tree. Not to be out done the owner take him further into the woods and finally settles on an old spruce tree. Finally he said, " where is the front of this tree". The man walks around the tree once and says," this is the front right here."  Bewildered the owner asks, " and how can you be certain that this is the front"? "Well he says someone had a crap behind it."

171

The Coffee Shop / Blind man

« on: April 14, 2012, 03:13:01 pm »

A young attractive lady had just taken possession of her new apartment. Although the landlord had some minor work to do she moved in and made herself at home. On this particular afternoon she decided the indulge herself with a long hot bubble bath and was just about to step into the tub when the doorbell rings. Not wanting to re-dress she calls out, "Who is there", to which she gets a response, "It is the blindman". Knowing that a blindman lives next door she goes to the door nude and opens it up thinking the blindman will not know the difference.  The man looks her up and down several times before saying, " Nice, now where are the new blinds going".

172

The Coffee Shop / Funeral

« on: April 13, 2012, 03:47:05 pm »

 While leaving the church at the funeral of his late wife 55 years the pallbearers accidently bumped the doorframe and there was a moan heard from inside the coffin. Upon opening the coffin, to their astonishment, they found the wife wide awake and wondering what was going on. The doctor was called and she was found to be in good health and was allowed to go home with her husband where she remained for 10 years later before she died again. This time, at the church, as the pallbearers were preparing to exit the church the husband piped up. " now be careful of that doorframe".

173

The Coffee Shop / 9 in Delta band saw

« on: April 07, 2012, 07:57:29 am »

I have an opportunity to buy a used 9 in Delta band saw for $100.00.  I am going to look at it in a few days, anything that I should look for or check out if I decide to purchase. If anyone owns one, your comments would be greatly appreciated. Deal also includes two new blades.

174

The Coffee Shop / My wish

« on: April 06, 2012, 08:20:21 am »

My wish you you today is that you don't have to dodge tornados, snowstorms or thunderstorms, that you will not have to fight floods, excessive cold or heat. I pray that you will not be chased by armadillos or polar bears or any other type of vicious animal. I do pray that you suffer only good things and that you attain satisfaction from what ever you do today.On this somber day, I take this thought with me as I go now to our Good Friday vigil.

175

The Coffee Shop / A little corny

« on: April 02, 2012, 06:41:01 pm »

 An elderly couple had their annual check up are were at the dr's office to get the results. The doctor calls them in and the conversation goes like this.
The doctor says to the wife ," You have some marvelous results, the tests show that you are in perfect health".
The wife replies ," that is great, how did my husbands results turn out".
The doctor replies, " well his results are not good at all. He has a very severe heart condition and he will have to be very careful about what he does."
" oh my," relpies the wife". " What do we have to do?"
The doctor gives them a list of things that he must not do and one of them was not to climb stairs.
The husband says, " but our bedroom is upstairs".  and as they have always enjoyed a healthy sex life he asks, " and what about making love".
The doctor says," That is out of the question, sex will be too much for your heart and you will not survive".
On the way home the couple decide that is light of what the doctor said that they will make up a bed downstairs and he will stay down there at night while the wife retires to the bedroom upstairs.
The first night they kiss goodnight at the bottom of the stairs and go to their beds.
The second night they linger longer at the stairs but finally go their seperate ways.
The third night is more difficult. but again she goes upstairs and he stays downstairs. About half way through the night the husband cannot take it any more and jumps out of bed and heads upstairs. About half way up he runs into his wife coming down. Wife  asks "where are you going"? To which the husband replies, " I am coming up to die".  The wife replies, " That is good because I was coming down to kill you"!!!!!

176

The Coffee Shop / Little red Chevette

« on: March 30, 2012, 10:48:44 am »

A rich guy had just picked up his new Cadillac from the dealership. As he drove it proudly through the streets he came to a red light so he stopped. At the same time adjacent to him was a little red chevette was stpooed as well. The Cadillac owned took the opportunity to brag. He calls out the the chevette driver. "This is a brand new Cadillac I just paid $40,000 for it. The chevette drives calls back, "Does it have a TV." The cadillac driver replies "no". The chevette drived says, " Mine has one". The light turns green and the chevette pulls away. The cadillac driver is so upset that he goes back to the dealer and demands to have a TV installed. The guy at the dealership says that will cost $5,000. The cadliiac owner says "go ahead and install it, I want a TV in the car". Several days later he gets a call to pick up his car, and indeed the TV works perfectly. The cadillac driver drives around town looking for the chevette but has no luck until very early one morning he sees a little red car in the middle of a Walmart parking lot. So he drives over for a closer look and sure enough it is the same little red chevette. He hops out of the cadillac and approaches the little car. He notices that the car is moving up and down and swaying sideways a little and the windows are steamed up.. He knocks on the window several times before the owner or the chevette wipes the window with his hand and looks out. The cadillac owned shouts out, " I have a TV in my car. The owner of the chevette Replies, "and you got me out of the shower for that"..

177

The Coffee Shop / wedding night

« on: March 29, 2012, 02:34:16 pm »

A young couple had just gotten married and it was time in the night to retire to the honeymoon suite. The new husband takes off his pants and tosses them across the bed to his new wife and says, " here sweetheart put those on" . The new wife replies, "I cannot wear those." The husband replies, " remember that, I'll wear the pants in this family." The new wife is furious and takes off her panties and tosses them to her husband and says "darling ets see you get into those". The husband replies, " don't be silly, I cannot get into your panties". to which the wife says, "and until you change your attitude your not going to".

178

The Coffee Shop / question

« on: March 29, 2012, 02:25:17 pm »

What does a 60 year old man wear, briefs or boxers...depends!!!

179

The Coffee Shop / Little Johnny

« on: March 27, 2012, 07:15:20 pm »

Little Johnny was born with no eyelids. The doctors suggested that as he needed a circumcision that they transplant the skin removed to create new eyelids for the baby boy. The parents agreed that this would be OK and consented to the surgery. Little Johnny grew up to be a wonderful young man.  However, he could never get a gun license as he was always a little cockeyed, but on the upside people that knew him said that he always had a lot of foresight.  

180

Pattern Requests. / More help, please

« on: March 24, 2012, 10:50:14 am »

I have been working on this retierment plaque for my sister-in-law who will retire within the next few months. I have the words but there are a lot of islands that will fall out when cut also I would like to add a few butterflys or flowers around the outside. It is designed to go on a circular blank that is 8 inches in diameter. When finished this piece will be the centre with a fretwork bird on each side. I have attached one of the birds. Is there anyone who would like to finish this for me?  Your help will be greatly appreciated. You need to click the file "Margs Retire.pdf" to open the file and see what I have done. I don't know why it didn't appear as the other file did???