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Topics - GrayBeard

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1411
The Coffee Shop / Inspiration for Wednesday....."The Pickle Jar"
« on: October 06, 2010, 11:22:34 am »

The  Pickle Jar 

The  pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on 
the floor beside the dresser in my parents'  bedroom.

When  he got ready for bed, Dad would empty 

his  pockets and toss his coins into the jar.
As  a small boy, I was always fascinated at the  sounds the coins made as they were dropped into  the jar.     

They  landed with a merry jingle when the jar was  almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to  a dull thud as the jar was filled.

I  used to squat on the floor in front of the jar  to admire
the copper and silver circles that  glinted like a pirate's
treasure when the  sun poured through the bedroom window. When the  jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen  table  a nd  roll the coins before taking them to the bank. 

Taking the coins to the bank was always  a big production.
Stacked neatly in a small  cardboard box, the coins were
placed between  Dad and me on the seat of his old  truck.

Each and every time, as wedrove to  the bank, Dad would
look at me hopefully.  'Those coins are going to keep you
out of  the textile mill, son. You're going to do better  than
me. This old mill town's not going to  hold you back.'

Also, each and every  time, as he slid the box of rolled
coins  across the counter at the bank toward the  cashier,
he would grin proudly. 'These are  for my son's college
fund. He'll never work  at the mill all his life like me.'

We  would always celebrate each deposit by stopping 
for an ice cream cone. I always got  chocolate. Dad
always got vanilla. When the  clerk at the ice cream
parlor handed Dad his  change, he would show me the
few coins  nestled in his palm. 'When we get home, 
we'll start filling the jar again.' He  always let me drop
the first coins into the  empty jar. As they rattled around
with a  brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. 
'You'll get to college on pennies, nickels,  dimes and
quarters,' he said. 'But you'll  get there; I'll see to  that.' 

No  matter how rough things got at home, Dad  continued
to  doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the  summer
when Dad got laid off from the  mill,and Mama had to
serve dried beans  several times a week, not a single
dime was  taken from the jar.

To the contrary, as  Dad looked across the table at me,
pouring  catsup over my beans to make them more 
palatable, he became more determined than  ever to
make a way out for me 'When you  finish college, Son,'
he told me, his eyes  glistening, 'You'll never have to
eat beans  again - unless you want to.'

The years  passed, and I finished college and took a 
job in another town. Once, while visiting my  parents,
I used the phone in their bedroom,  and noticed that
the pickle jar was gone. It  had served its purpose
and had been removed. 

A lump rose in my throat as I stared at  the spot beside
the dresser where the jar  had always stood. My dad
was a man of few  words: he never lectured me on the
values of  determination, perseverance, and faith. The 
pickle jar had taught me all these virtues  far more
eloquently than the most flowery of  words could have
done. When I married, I  told my wife Susan about the
significant  part the lowly pickle jar had played in my 
life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more  than
anything else, how much my dad had  loved me.

The first Christmas after our  daughter Jessica was born,
we spent the  holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom 
and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa,  taking turns
cuddling their first  grandchild. Jessica began to whimper
softly,  and Susan took her from Dad's arms. 'She  probably
needs to be changed,' she said,  carrying the baby into my
parents' bedroom  to diaper her. When Susan came back
into the  living room, there was a strange mist in her  eyes.

She handed Jessica back to Dad  before taking my hand
and leading me into  the room. 'Look,' she said softly, her
eyes  directing me to a spot on the floor beside the  dresser.
To my amazement, there, as if it  had never been removed,
stood the old pickle  jar, the bottom already covered with
coins.  I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into  my
pocket, and pulled out a fistful of  coins. With a gamut of
emotions choking me,  I dropped the coins into the jar. I
looked  up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had  slipped
quietly into the room. Our eyes  locked, and I knew he was
feeling the same  emotions I felt. Neither one of us could 
speak.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1412
General Scroll Saw Talk / "thinboards.com"?
« on: October 05, 2010, 05:50:47 pm »
Has anybody tried them yet?

Was over on another forum last night and they are heavily involved with Travis and his group.

Cut some of the Oak P/W I got from Ocooch this afternoon! Must have got a BAD piece! Ran into several areas of VOIDS!
Scraped up some sawdust, mixed with a little glue and filled those suckers up.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1413
General Scroll Saw Talk / !/4" oak...stack cutting?
« on: October 05, 2010, 02:16:06 pm »
I am making a bunch of "Oven Pulls" of 1/4" oak.

Do any of you foresee any problems stacking them to 3/4" and using a FD SR #5 blade?

~~~GB~~~

1414
The Coffee Shop / Inspiring! "When the Music Stopped"
« on: October 05, 2010, 12:10:19 pm »
When the Music Stopped...
 
(For those who are unaware: At all military base theaters,  the National Anthem is played before the movie begins.)


 I recently attended a showing of 'Superman 3' here at
 LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies,
 as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As
 is the custom at all military bases, we stood to attention
 when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All
 was going well until three-quarters of the way through The
 National Anthem, the music stopped.

 Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22
 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be
 hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments, and everyone
 would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. Of course,
 that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the
 first place.

 Here in  Iraq , 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention,
 eyes fixed forward. The music started again and the Soldiers
 continued to quietly stand at attention. But again, at the
 same point, the music stopped. What would you expect 1000
 Soldiers standing at attention to do?? Frankly, I expected
 some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and
 wait for the movie to start.

 But No!!... You could have heard a pin  drop, while every
Soldier continued to stand at attention.

 Suddenly,there was a lone voice from the front of the auditorium,
 then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the
 voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording
 left off: "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs
 bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag
 was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet
 wave, o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave."

 It was the most inspiring moment I have had in  Iraq and I
 wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you.
 Remember them as they fight for us!
Pass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer  for all our soldiers serving us  here at home and abroad.  Many have already paid the ultimate price.

 Written by Chaplain  Jim Higgins.
 LSA Anaconda is at the   Ballad   Airport in  Iraq , north of  Baghdad .

1415
The Coffee Shop / "RedNeck" medical terms (some new ones)
« on: October 05, 2010, 11:31:52 am »
Artery ............................ The study of paintings.
Bacteria .......................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium ............................ What to do when patients die.
Benign ............................ What you be after you be eight.
Catscan ........................... Hunting for Kitty.
Cauterize ......................... Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section .................. A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic ............................. A sheep dog.
Coma .............................. A punctuation mark.
D&C ............................... Where Washington is.
Dilate ............................ To live long.
Enema ............................. Not a friend.
Fester ............................ Quicker than the other guy.
Fibula ............................ A small lie.
Genital ........................... Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series ....................... World series of military baseball.
Hangnail .......................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent .......................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain ........................ Getting hurt at work.
Lower G.I. ........................ Privates and Corporals.
Medical Staff ..................... A Doctor's cane.
Morbid ............................ A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates .......................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node .............................. Not a doubt.
Outpatient ........................ A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear ......................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis ............................ Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative .................... A letter carrier.
Recovery Room ..................... Place to do upholstery.
Rectum ............................ Damn near killed him.
Secretion.......................... Hiding something.
Seizure............................ Roman emperor.
Tablet............................. A small table.
Terminal Illness................... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.............................. One more than one.
Urine ............................. Opposite of you're out.
Upper G.I. ........................ Colonels and Generals.
Varicose .......................... Near by/close by.

1416
The Coffee Shop / Helga's Cruise....
« on: October 05, 2010, 11:15:56 am »

HELGA'S DIARY

 DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
 
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses,
swimsuits,short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter
decided on this "all-girls" trip.
-- ------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

 Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the
Captain   today -- seems like a very nice man.
 --------------------
 DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the
deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt
honored and had   a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
 --------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner
with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar
and  champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him
I could   not be unfaithful to my husband.
 --------------------
 DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at
piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me
several  large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his
cabin for the  night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his
way with  me, he would sink the ship...I was shocked.
 --------------------

 DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
 
 Today I saved 1600 lives.


 Twice!!!

1417
The Coffee Shop / The Baptism....
« on: October 04, 2010, 01:50:59 pm »

A man is stumbling through the woods
totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk  walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns
around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher
grabs him and dunks him in the river.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer,
dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out
of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk i n the water
again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The
preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

1418
The Coffee Shop / Janet's Surgery....
« on: October 04, 2010, 01:27:45 pm »
is probably in progress right now.

Praying that all goes well for her....

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1419
The Coffee Shop / The Nun in the Airport!
« on: October 03, 2010, 11:53:51 pm »

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE VICTORIA AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO  CALGARY.
SHE  LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR  FORTUNE, AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE  WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN. OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:  'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS,AND YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY.'
 
           
THE  NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE.  THE  MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN.   SHE  WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT A NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME  A CARD THAT READ: 'YOU  ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY  AND YOU ARE  GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'
   

THE  NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE  NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL  INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.'  SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

   
FROM  OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.

WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.

 
SURPRISED  AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE  MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS  IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS  AGAIN.' BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU  ARE GOING TO  CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK  WIND.' NOW  SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF,  'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.'  BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED,AND AS SHE WAS  STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE  WIND.
 
ABSOLUTELY  STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID  TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.' SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.

  IT  READ: 'YOU  ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CALGARY.

1420
The Coffee Shop / A new use for Windex!
« on: October 03, 2010, 11:49:49 pm »
New use for Windex

I haven't checked ' Snopes.Com  ' to see if this actually
Works or Not . . . But they say,

If you ever get the sudden URGE to run around naked,
You should sniff some Windex first.
It'll keep you from streaking.

1421
The Coffee Shop / The "Talking" Centipede!
« on: October 03, 2010, 11:47:25 pm »

 
     The Talking Centipede   

A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box
to use for his house..

He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go
to church with me today?
We will have a good time."

But there was no answer
from his new pet..

This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
to church with me
and receive blessings?"

But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.

The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.

This time
he put his face up against
the centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go
to church with me
and learn about God?"

This time,
a little voice
came out of the box,
"I heard you the first time!
I'm putting on my damn shoes!"

1422
The Coffee Shop / Watch This!
« on: October 03, 2010, 08:52:15 pm »
Field strip and re-assemble a U.S. military JEEP in less than 4 minutes!!!

http://www.hardocp.com/news/2010/09/10/must_see_video_day

~~~GB~~~

1423
Brag Forum / New Item...The Horse
« on: October 03, 2010, 05:43:02 pm »
The Horse...New experience....2/0 FD New Spiral, Boxwood 'round'...the new blade (to me) and cutting the 'end grain'  was a whole new 'learning project'! Totally different feel as the blade is cutting this type of wood.

1424
General Scroll Saw Talk / LOOKEEEEE What I Found!
« on: October 03, 2010, 01:12:28 pm »
It pays to do the GOOGLE search now and then!

After the discussion of Sloans and Baltic Birch plywood I tried looking around Google to see if there were any other sources and i stumbled across this site just about 45 miles from my home!

http://www.woodnshop.com/

Will try to make a trip and visit there real soon!

~~~GB~~~


1425
The Coffee Shop / Final "Idiot of the Day"
« on: October 03, 2010, 12:43:43 pm »
I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the "Deer Crossing" sign on our road.

The reason: ?Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.?

Remember Folks, "They are out there! They Reproduce and Vote...and unfortunately some of them even get ELECTED!"

~~~GrayBeard~~~

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