1396
The Coffee Shop / Why MEN should not write Advice Columns!
« on: October 09, 2010, 11:43:59 am »
Get the picture?
~~~GB~~~
~~~GB~~~
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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1397
General Scroll Saw Talk / Relive the Past...Photos from 1939 -1942....
« on: October 08, 2010, 07:54:38 pm »
Visit the site for a good hard look at what some lives were like in the early 40's!
http://extras.denverpost.com/archive/captured.html
Very Interesting!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
http://extras.denverpost.com/archive/captured.html
Very Interesting!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1398
The Coffee Shop / Calmness in our lives!
« on: October 08, 2010, 07:19:47 pm »
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr. Oz proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the
things you have started and have never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished.
This morning, I finished off a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the Percocet, some Doritos, & a box of chocolate.
You have no idea how freaking CALM I feel right now.
~~~GrayBeard~~~
Dr. Oz proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the
things you have started and have never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished.
This morning, I finished off a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the Percocet, some Doritos, & a box of chocolate.
You have no idea how freaking CALM I feel right now.
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1399
The Coffee Shop / Mr. Russ.....Ornament Exchange!?!?!?
« on: October 08, 2010, 07:05:06 pm »
How about an UpDate on the "Ornament Exchange".....
since some of us are now into the 'ornament making mode"!
~~~GB~~~
since some of us are now into the 'ornament making mode"!
~~~GB~~~
1400
The Coffee Shop / Stuff you didn't know you didn't know! #2
« on: October 08, 2010, 06:50:19 pm »
No. 2
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV
was Fred and Wilma Flintstone!
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV
was Fred and Wilma Flintstone!
1401
The Coffee Shop / Texas declares War on the U.S.!!!
« on: October 08, 2010, 03:54:02 pm »
Texas Declares War on the USA
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya?ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya?ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN
1402
The Coffee Shop / Bob, The Chicken!
« on: October 08, 2010, 03:38:39 pm »
Bob the Chicken
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob.'
Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home...
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Bob.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard...
"BOB, You Idiot! Wake up! You just pooped in the bed!"
~~~GrayBeard~~~
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob.'
Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home...
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Bob.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard...
"BOB, You Idiot! Wake up! You just pooped in the bed!"
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1403
General Scroll Saw Talk / I have been getting a lot of frames from the various "Dollar Stores"
« on: October 08, 2010, 03:34:40 pm »
And I do not use the glass inserts and I am getting a pile of glass in 8 x 10 and 5 x 7 sizes.
Any ideas about what to use them for instead of re-cycling?
~~~GB~~~
Any ideas about what to use them for instead of re-cycling?
~~~GB~~~
1404
The Coffee Shop / Oh Janet!!!
« on: October 08, 2010, 11:26:55 am »
How is the hand feeling after 4 days?
Stiff and sore?
Keep working with it as best you can so it doesn't stiffen on you.
~~~GB~~~
Stiff and sore?
Keep working with it as best you can so it doesn't stiffen on you.
~~~GB~~~
1405
The Coffee Shop / Stuff you didn't know you didn't know! #1
« on: October 07, 2010, 04:20:44 pm »
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
~~~GB~~~
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
~~~GB~~~
1406
General Scroll Saw Talk / Update: Heritage Building Spec.
« on: October 07, 2010, 12:33:06 pm »
I told about ordering BB and the "14 day" situation...
This morning I received a phone call from Ray at Heritage. He is apparently one of the owners and he told me they are a small family owned business and are growing rather quickly and doing their best to keep up. My order will ship tomorrow!
He also said since they are getting so many requests for BB they are gradually building their inventory and plan to be able to ship much quicker in the near future. They are realizing the potential market for BB and are growing to accommodate the average scroller as well as those who want their 'project-packs' or custom woods.
Very nice guy and I hope they make a big success out of the BB line. Prices were very competitive and shipping a bit less than Sloan.
~~~GB~~~
This morning I received a phone call from Ray at Heritage. He is apparently one of the owners and he told me they are a small family owned business and are growing rather quickly and doing their best to keep up. My order will ship tomorrow!
He also said since they are getting so many requests for BB they are gradually building their inventory and plan to be able to ship much quicker in the near future. They are realizing the potential market for BB and are growing to accommodate the average scroller as well as those who want their 'project-packs' or custom woods.
Very nice guy and I hope they make a big success out of the BB line. Prices were very competitive and shipping a bit less than Sloan.
~~~GB~~~
1407
The Coffee Shop / YOu Know You Are Living In The Year 2010 BECAUSE......
« on: October 07, 2010, 09:43:55 am »1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't
played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list
of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
three.
4. You e-mail the
person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for
not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in
your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries...
7. Every commercial
on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house
without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it
10. You get up in
the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee
11. You start
tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading
this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you
know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy
to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually
scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list
~~~~~~~~~~~AND
FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
1408
Pattern Requests. / Caduceus for M.D.?
« on: October 06, 2010, 07:06:04 pm »
I seem to remember one on here recently for a DVM. Need one for a M.D. friend of mine.
Anybody?
~~~GrayBeard~~~
Anybody?
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1409
The Coffee Shop / The Rancher and the Yuppie!
« on: October 06, 2010, 05:35:58 pm »
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. .
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. .
Now give me back my dog.
1410
The Coffee Shop / Ever have to give your child an "Excuse Note"?
« on: October 06, 2010, 11:39:23 am »You cannot read these and not laugh out loud.....These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact.....
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat , her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
