Topics

1261

The Coffee Shop / Q and A from an AARP Forum!

« on: November 13, 2010, 02:09:24 pm »

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested
in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through
menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement . When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to Egypt ...."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless.. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for their eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: Gee! I remember that! or Gee! I used to have one of those!

~~~GB~~~

1262

The Coffee Shop / Women's Work is never done!

« on: November 13, 2010, 01:50:59 pm »

And now we know why!

1263

The Coffee Shop / Best Friends?

« on: November 13, 2010, 01:41:45 pm »

Are we 'really' beast friends?

~~~GB~~~

1264

The Coffee Shop / Birth Control....

« on: November 13, 2010, 01:16:35 pm »

Interesting with the Graying of America....

1265

The Coffee Shop / The "Great Inventor"!

« on: November 13, 2010, 01:14:43 pm »

Has to be GOD!

1266

The Coffee Shop / Gas...an embarrassment!

« on: November 13, 2010, 12:16:15 pm »

From "Maxine"!

I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

1267

The Coffee Shop / Irreverent Humor #4....

« on: November 13, 2010, 11:51:05 am »

Leaving Bethlehem....

1268

The Coffee Shop / Irreverent Humor #3....

« on: November 13, 2010, 11:39:51 am »

At the 'manger'....

1269

The Coffee Shop / Bob!

« on: November 12, 2010, 07:49:52 pm »

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,


'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'gosh Bob, you picked up a real b!?$h this time.

1270

The Coffee Shop / Irreverent Humor...2

« on: November 11, 2010, 01:47:04 pm »

"And Jesus 'cleared' the Temple..."

1271

The Coffee Shop / Irreverent Humor...1

« on: November 11, 2010, 01:45:27 pm »

"And GOD separated the Light from the Dark..."

1272

The Coffee Shop / Deer Camp....

« on: November 11, 2010, 10:55:29 am »

This may be a repeat but in honor of deer season opening Saturday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.  Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the deer camp site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday.  Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"  I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.  She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.  The room had candles and rose petals all over.  On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!  She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did, and then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.

~~~GB~~~

1273

The Coffee Shop / Veterans Day 2010

« on: November 10, 2010, 08:47:40 pm »

To ALL Veterans Everywhere.....

THANK YOU !

~~~GrayBeard~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRRmnfs6h84&feature=email

1274

The Coffee Shop / Read and HEED...All U.S. Citizens!!!

« on: November 10, 2010, 02:26:00 pm »

-- --------------------------------------
Breaking News Alert: Deficit panel leaders propose curbing Social Security increases
November 10, 2010 1:19:58 PM
----------------------------------------

Leaders of President Obama's bipartisan deficit commission are proposing to reduce the annual cost-of-living increases in Social Security.

The proposal would also set a tough target for curbing the growth of Medicare. And it recommends looking at eliminating popular tax breaks, such as mortgage interest deduction.


http://link.email.washingtonpost.com/r/5O5UA2/A75K1B/WLUSGO/4QFQ91/S2FW8/OS/h

~~~GB~~~

1275

The Coffee Shop / "Jenny Craig" for Men....

« on: November 10, 2010, 11:36:28 am »

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing
and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10
lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing
but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you
catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same
routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound
 program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and
a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week!

~~~GB~~~