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Topics - Gabby

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121
The Coffee Shop / The Barn
« on: October 18, 2011, 11:28:40 pm »
Y'all should get a real chuckle out of this one!
Gabby

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
?I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,? she explained. ?I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.?
?Don't worry,? John said. ?We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.? The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, ?Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago??
?Yes, I do.? said Keith.
?Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit??

?Well, um, yes,? Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ?I have to admit that I did.?
?And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name??
Keith's face turned beet red and he said, ?Yeah. Look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask??



John replied, ?She just died and left me everything.?
And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?

122
The Coffee Shop / Did ya miss me?
« on: October 16, 2011, 06:01:15 pm »
Just so you know I'm still alive and kicking,
PC crashed last Thursday and just got back on line this afternoon, been trying to catch up with my e-mail.
Back later to give everyone a hard time! LOL  ;D
Man I was going into withdrawals!
Later y'all,
Gabby

123
The Coffee Shop / Australian Court case. Funny yes. True who knows?
« on: October 11, 2011, 08:00:34 pm »
 





ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. 
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. 
The man seemed more amused. 
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.


 


The case came up in court.

 
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
 
The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition. 
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.   
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
  But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

Too good not to share,  ;D ;D ;D
Gabby
... I just lost it.'

 
'CASE DISMISSED!!'

 
 
 

124
Brag Forum / First portrait finally done
« on: October 09, 2011, 08:45:29 pm »
Well after rejecting many ideas for a frame I finally opted for something rustic and simple. Rounded off the corners and used 3/8" rope tacked and glued around the edge with a Concho provided by the Boss after her suggestion to use it to hide where the ends come together. I used 1 quick coat of Puritan Pine stain, wiped it off immediately after applying so as to keep it from being too dark. Wanted the weathered look of skin after exposure to sun and wind. The grain came out right by adding accent to the cheek bones.

Special thanks go out to Charlie Dearing for the pattern, and to Marion for the 1/8" BB ply to cut it from.
Without their contributions it wouldn't have been possible!

Don't ask how long it took, I don't bother keeping a log. I'm still pretty slow and with the fine detail I took my time. It was cut almost exclusively with FD SR - 1 blades, I did test some FD - spiral blades but wasn't comfortable and couldn't use it for the fine cuts.
I made it only 10 by 12" overall to fit my small wall space, so many of the cuts are too fine for the spiral blades.
After staining I used spray satin clear to seal it. Don't have the cans in front of me so i can't tell you the product names.  Forgot to add I used black poster paper as a backer with 1/4" masonite behind that for strength.
Check the Gallery for the photo named Quigley.From The movie Quigley Down Under. My favorite movie by Tom Selleck!
I'll be posting the photo right after I finish the message.
I hope you all enjoy it. You might find this informative too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quigley_Down_Under
Gabby

125
The Coffee Shop / Check Snopes virus alert
« on: October 03, 2011, 08:37:47 pm »

http://www.snopes.com:80/computer/virus/youtube.asp

I checked it out before passing it along. I'm glad I quit FB!
I wish these people would find something constructive to do with their time.  >:(
Gabby

126
The Coffee Shop / Poor WalMart
« on: September 28, 2011, 11:17:55 pm »
  Walmart recently announced that sometime in 2011 it will begin offering customers a new discount item - Walmart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is teaming upwith Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce these wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

                     Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Walmart brand in their shopping carts but, "There is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, Professor of Marketing at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville. "However, branding will be very important". Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Walmart wine brands and varieties.

                     The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:


 

 

 
                 10. Chateau Traileur Parc

                   9. White Trashfindel

                   8. Big Red Gulp

                   7. World Championship Riesling

                   6. NASCARbernet

                   5. Chef Boyardeaux

                   4. Peanut Noir

                   3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

                   2. Grape Expectations


 
                AND ...


 
                   Number 1. Nasti Spumante


 
                The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).



127
The Coffee Shop / Just for GB
« on: September 27, 2011, 02:01:40 pm »
 Church Fart
This says it all...about getting older &
the whole aging thing.

An elderly couple are attending church services.. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."


128
Ask Steve a question. / cutting fiberglass - NO! NO!
« on: September 27, 2011, 01:18:29 am »
See my response to your question in your thread.
Please don't cut fiberglass!
Gabby

129
The Coffee Shop / Humor Texas Hawg Races
« on: September 19, 2011, 12:23:22 pm »
As Larry the cable guy would say "Now that's funny, I don't care who ya are"!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/dUr1NxJDC94?rel=0


130
General Scroll Saw Talk / Dewalt sale on Amazon
« on: September 13, 2011, 07:56:16 pm »
Looks like they doubled the price so they could give 50% off, but I haven't checked prices lately.
Gabby

http://www.amazon.com/DEWALT-DW788-20-Inch-Variable-Speed-Scroll/dp/B000022313/ref=sr_1_99?m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&s=hi&ie=UTF8&qid=1315957922&sr=1-99

131
Pattern Requests. / Hey Grampa
« on: September 13, 2011, 02:56:17 am »
If you are so bored give the Garden Gnome another go. He needs a six shooter to go with the sombrero, have fun with it. I've got the first one but thought you were going to upgrade it as you asked for a bigger photo of me.
Gabby

132
General Scroll Saw Talk / Noisy Saw
« on: September 12, 2011, 08:13:21 pm »
I recently noticed my saw making a clattering sound. It must have been going on for some time but being engrossed with what I was doing it didn't register. Once I became aware of it though it seemed to get louder and louder. Kind of like when a mosquito buzzes your ear.
I tried to localize where the noise was coming from and couldn't. Oiled the parts the manual says to do. No help. checked the front blade clamps, nothing.
Finally took the screws out of the rear link to the top and bottom arms. Bingo!
Both screws and the link were badly worn, the link holes are egg shaped, and the shoulder area of the screws are flattened. Probably near a 1/16"  + or - of play.
Ordered the parts from eReplacementParts.com
I've had good personalized service from these people in the past, so I'll keep using them as long as the service stands up. My only complaint is they seldom have the parts in stock so their is a waiting period. Their diagrams come right from the manual and it is easy to find the part you need after zooming in on the page. Clicking on the number opens a pop up with a photo of the part and the price, with a link to put in your shopping cart.
They have an 800 number if you would rather not shop on line.
My thanks to Blair Kunze for the personalized service!

Gabby likes them!   ;D

133
The Coffee Shop / Obituary
« on: September 12, 2011, 05:17:20 am »
An Obituary printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Brilliant !!!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense , who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

134
The Coffee Shop / for the ladies
« on: September 09, 2011, 10:27:15 pm »
Grandma
-------------------------

I was out walking with my 4-year-old Grand daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my Granddaughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's
dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied. At this point, my Granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All Grandmas know this stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma.'

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. 'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa'.

'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.


135
RICHEST MAN ON EARTH


I am part of this range of waving grass,
part of the evening breeze,
the gentle rains that pass.
I am the snows on the mountain
that cause the streams to flow
spreading out on the valley
urging the grass to grow.

The coyote that howls in the evening
or the hoot owl in the wood.
I sense them stir within my soul
deep down it feels good.

With this all a part of me
I can never be alone...

I am the richest man on earth,
for all this I own.

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SMF

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