Topics

121

The Coffee Shop / New Corvette

« on: April 15, 2012, 09:07:41 pm »

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible he had just purchased out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper"

"I panicked, I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.            

122

The Coffee Shop / Granddaughter in the shop.

« on: April 05, 2012, 04:40:14 pm »

My granddaughter Mekayla has decided to join me again in the shop. I taught her how to scroll saw last year, but she seemed to lose interest. Well she returned yesterday and called me again today to pick her up from school so she could scroll some more.      Yep I am happy. 

123

The Coffee Shop / Surprise Mr Armadillo Calling

« on: April 03, 2012, 10:41:53 pm »

So I am on Skype with Dan tonight and my wife comes in the room telling me some one is trying to get in the back door. I am like yeah right, "Dan can you hold on my wife is telling me something". So I go to the back door and look. Mr Armadillo has wondered up on the back porch and is bumping into everything including the back door. LOL. On of life's more interesting moments. So I guess pulling out the 45 was a little over reacting, I don't think he was going to rob us. 

124

The Coffee Shop / I HAVE HAD IT.

« on: April 01, 2012, 12:09:48 pm »

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  I am deleting my account and this is the last time you will here from me. This is to much pressure and to time consuming. Dealing with all this stress every day I just can't take it anymore. It was fun at one time but not anymore. Don't try to contact me because I will reject all e-mails, posts and for those of you that have my phone number, don't even try. 

125

The Coffee Shop / Papa Oom Mow Mow

« on: March 12, 2012, 09:13:58 pm »

A friend of mine sent me this link and I just had to share.   I have listen to this song all day, and dancing in the shop. Brings back a whole lot of memories and good times. I hope you like.  
The Rivingtons

126

The Coffee Shop / Another 1st Place My Grandson Gage's Float

« on: March 10, 2012, 07:45:01 pm »

So for the second year in a row we entered a float with my Grandson Gage in the Florida Strawberry Festival Baby Parade. I am very proud to say that we have taken 1st Place again this year. It was a combined effort of about eight family members from design to actual building the float.
 
Also 90% of the float was built from recycled materials. We spent a whole $35 on the float. The canvas covering the wagon is a painters drop cloth we bought new for around $13.

The second picture of Gage is getting his trophy and pictures taken. He is being held by the reigning Queen of the festival Chelsea Bowden and the Little Miss Queen who is also standing with mom and Gage. ( Grandpa Russ scrolled the sign)  

If you type in strawberrys in the search field on the forum you should see my post from last year on the other 1st place float we built.            

127

The Coffee Shop / CATHOLIC COFFEE MORNING IN ROME

« on: March 07, 2012, 07:42:51 am »

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,
 
I have a daughter,
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts     
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say,


Oh MY God     

128

The Coffee Shop / Dear Hackers, I will Pray for you

« on: March 06, 2012, 08:01:24 pm »

I pray your tire blows out at 110.
I pray your steering wheel falls off coming around that bend.
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with
his a$$ in your face.
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill.
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill,
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to,
Oh and yes, something private on your body turns blue
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high in a jet when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
And once again I pray something private on your body turns blue
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are a$$hole
I pray for you.
             

129

The Coffee Shop / A Question to all the NASCAR fans.

« on: March 02, 2012, 07:16:03 pm »

How many NASCAR drivers does it take to start a jet fuel fire.

Ok


R

U

Ready





Just Juan !!!!!!!!!         

Just had to do it. LMBO 

130

The Coffee Shop / Red Neck Special Forces

« on: February 23, 2012, 08:20:18 am »

The Pentagon has finally came up with a plan to deal with the problems in Iraq.     

131

The Coffee Shop / New use for hammer.

« on: February 05, 2012, 11:27:41 am »

So very, very true. LMBO     

132

The Coffee Shop / An Indian's opinion

« on: February 04, 2012, 02:57:50 pm »

So very true, you have to read. Oh I am ? Cherokee Indian, that is the reason I am always right.  LMBO        

133

The Coffee Shop / Craig's List Personal Ad

« on: January 27, 2012, 11:09:42 am »

I don't know if this is true but a very good and funny story. 

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD: ... Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow... come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi, Alex     

134

The Coffee Shop / Red Neck Emergency Kit.

« on: January 25, 2012, 01:52:06 pm »

The picture says it all. LMBO     

135

The Coffee Shop / Update on My Son

« on: January 24, 2012, 07:05:11 am »

Talked to Cory again last night, we Skyped for awhile. No broken ribs just bruised and sore and only a mild concussion. He will be taking it easy the next few days. He was in  much better spirits. He said they where taking very good care of him, bending over backwards to see to his needs etc. The base commander gave him his cell phone number and told Cory if he needed anything or anyone said anything out of the way to him to give him a call.

Some of his friends from boot camp who are stationed there came to see him. For right now he didn't think I needed to fly out there and he would call me every day while he is recovering. He will also be giving a lot of statements as they continue the investigation. So far they have interviewed over 30 people.

They are also going to give him the option of staying there or transferring out to another base. I think he is going to stay there, he has a lot of his friends there and Little is there. If he stays they also said they would keep a lot of them together from the east coast (boot camp) and move them to another company. I think that is a good idea, they can watch each others backs.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.