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Topics - GrayBeard

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1186
The Coffee Shop / I wonder how "chief" is doing?
« on: December 12, 2010, 10:08:50 pm »
That ship of his could be anywhere!

Just hope he and all the other folks in the Armed Forces stay safe!

~~~GB~~~

1187
The Coffee Shop / Tonight is the night!
« on: December 12, 2010, 08:38:13 pm »
No, not THAT!

Every year I take one evening and sit myself in front of the TV and get in the mood for Christmas.

So tonight, with the cold and snow outside, I have decided to put a Pumpkin Pie in the oven,get out my favorite Christmas DVD and do my thing...

It is just not the Christmas Season until I watch..."SCROOGE" starring George C. Scott!

Now to get the pie in the oven and start the movie!

~~~GB~~~

1188
The Coffee Shop / How do you treat YOUR Family?
« on: December 12, 2010, 06:43:42 pm »
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.


He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you.'


We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.


But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.


Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.


When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.


He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.


While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,


'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.


Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.


Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.


He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'


By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.


I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.


'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.


I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'


I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'


I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'


FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days..
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.


And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?


Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

~~~GrayBeard~~~


1189
The Coffee Shop / Military Pilots....
« on: December 12, 2010, 11:32:10 am »
I really expect to hear about my grandson pulling one of these stunts some day!

Not for the 'faint of heart'!

<http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=19448*>

~~~GB~~~

1190
The Coffee Shop / Ad Agency "Staff Meeting".... (Mature Audiences)
« on: December 12, 2010, 11:08:28 am »


The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock !

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number oneslogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs

1191
The Coffee Shop / Crappy Weather.....
« on: December 11, 2010, 05:36:21 pm »
is on the way!

Just looked out back and counted 27 birds on my feeders!

Drizzle right now, snow later and blowing snow and very cold tomorrow!
High tomorrow - 28?
Winds 20 to 30 mph with gusts up to 40 mph.

Colder than a nun's N&$$#&% on Good Friday!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1192
Pattern Requests. / Chickadee!
« on: December 11, 2010, 05:18:58 pm »
Hey Grampa Paul....

Want to take a shot at this one and then share it with everyone?

~~~Great Grampa GrayBeard~~~

1193
General Scroll Saw Talk / Craft Show.......
« on: December 11, 2010, 04:37:19 pm »
Last Saturday I did a local Band Booster show and sold just over $100 in 'stuff'.

This Saturday I get a letter from the State Of Missouri, Collector of Revenue telling me I have 14 days to pay the Sales Tax on my Gross Sales!

So much for being involved in a 'cottage industry'!

Watch Out...Big Brother is EVERYWHERE and he is BROKE!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1194
The Coffee Shop / "Bran Muffins" ! ! !
« on: December 11, 2010, 03:57:03 pm »


Bran Muffins
The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.


They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven ,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man, 'this is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied, 'you can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'


The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your stickin' bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'

1195
The Coffee Shop / Letter to Santa...the electronic way!
« on: December 11, 2010, 12:14:47 pm »
Kids will try ANYTHING!

1196
The Coffee Shop / Christmas has been CANCELLED!
« on: December 11, 2010, 12:01:30 pm »
It's all YOUR Fault!


1197
The Coffee Shop / Saying "Goodbye to Mother".....
« on: December 11, 2010, 11:50:08 am »
You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!  You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.  Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Good-bye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away.
'That stupid b!?$h was hiding under the bed.
I had to poke her butt with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.
Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked!
I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car.

~~~GrayBeard~~~


1198
The Coffee Shop / Seniors! You gotta love 'em!!!
« on: December 10, 2010, 05:11:01 pm »
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.  When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car, to hurry inside and retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

This coming week is National Senior Mental Health Week.
You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at least one "Senior" to show you care.




I have now done MY part.

~~~GB~~~


1199
The Coffee Shop / The Leather Dress!
« on: December 10, 2010, 12:51:24 pm »
Did You Know The About Leather Dresses?


Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???


Ever wonder why?
 

It's because she smells like a new Truck.

~~~GB~~~

1200
The Coffee Shop / Like to BAKE??? Try these.....
« on: December 09, 2010, 09:56:40 pm »
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LIKE TO BAKE?

 


JOSE CUERVO CHRISTMAS COOKIES



1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

 


Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again,
to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.

 


Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

 


Add one peastoon of sugar.  Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok,
try another cup just in case.

 


Turn off the mixerer thingy.

 


Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

 


Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

 


Mix on the turner.

 


If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters
just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

 


Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

 


Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.

 


Who geeves a sheet.  Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

 


Add one table.

 


Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.

 


Greash the oven.

 


Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

 


Don't forget to beat off the turner.

 


Finally, throw the bowl through the window,
finish the Cose Juervo and make sure
to put the stove in the wishdasher.

 


Cherry Mistmas!


 

 
 


 


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