1171
The Coffee Shop / julief asked me to post this for her!
« on: December 20, 2010, 01:33:50 pm »
"Never irritate a woman who can operate a backhoe!"
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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1172
The Coffee Shop / A "Christmas Story"
« on: December 19, 2010, 09:20:33 pm »
"Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.
It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.
After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible; instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though; I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what...
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat with reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him.
The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high side boards on.
After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" "You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?
Yeah," I said, "Why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them those shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, and then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said,?Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?" Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak. My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up
in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed
when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes. Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will."
Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that, but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.
For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life."
Merry Christmas....
~~~GrayBeard~~~
It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.
After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible; instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though; I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what...
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat with reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him.
The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high side boards on.
After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" "You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?
Yeah," I said, "Why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them those shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, and then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said,?Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?" Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak. My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up
in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed
when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes. Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will."
Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that, but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.
For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life."
Merry Christmas....
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1173
The Coffee Shop / Ever wonder how Rudlph came in to existence?
« on: December 19, 2010, 09:05:41 pm »
Read the REAL Story here, not the FALSE one circulating through the internet!
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/rudolph.asp
~~~GrayBeard~~~
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/rudolph.asp
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1174
The Coffee Shop / And MORE from Will Rogers....
« on: December 19, 2010, 06:29:35 pm »
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~~~
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
~~~GB~~~
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~~~
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
~~~GB~~~
1175
The Coffee Shop / Wit and Wisdom from Will Rogers.....
« on: December 19, 2010, 06:24:51 pm »
Simple but Brilliant and full of truths! Enjoy!
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie
Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . . Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
into your pocket
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~~~GrayBeard~~~
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie
Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . . Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
into your pocket
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1176
The Coffee Shop / Just read something....
« on: December 19, 2010, 02:05:29 pm »
that I think applies to this Forum!
"Friends...are the FAMILY we choose for Ourselves!"
~~~Graybeard~~~
"Friends...are the FAMILY we choose for Ourselves!"
~~~Graybeard~~~
1177
The Coffee Shop / Very SPECIAL Christmas Greetings!!!!!!!!
« on: December 19, 2010, 12:36:09 am »
Just click the link and follow directions!
http://www.spaceblog.fr/public/flash/pere_noel.swf
~~~GrayBeard~~~
http://www.spaceblog.fr/public/flash/pere_noel.swf
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1179
The Coffee Shop / A VERY cold winter....
« on: December 18, 2010, 02:25:37 am »It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find..
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a s$%#load of firewood'
~~~GB~~~
1180
The Coffee Shop / MEN are happier people, Naturally!
« on: December 16, 2010, 11:31:49 am »
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
? If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
? If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bonehead and Bubba.
EATING OUT
? When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
? When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
? A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
? A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
? A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
? The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
? A woman has the last word in any argument.
? Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
? A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
? A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
? A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
? A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
? A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
? A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
? A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
? Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
? Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
? Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
? A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
NICKNAMES
? If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
? If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bonehead and Bubba.
EATING OUT
? When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
? When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
? A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
? A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
? A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
? The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
? A woman has the last word in any argument.
? Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
? A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
? A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
? A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
? A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
? A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
? A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
? A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
? Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
? Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
? Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
? A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
1181
The Coffee Shop / Just over a week to go.....
« on: December 15, 2010, 11:28:30 pm »
And I am really starting to get in the Spirit of the Season....
For your enjoyment!
http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html
Be sure to listen to the choir!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
For your enjoyment!
http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html
Be sure to listen to the choir!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1182
Brag Forum / Christmas Presents....
« on: December 15, 2010, 11:22:54 pm »
IF you care to take a look....
http://picasaweb.google.com/grampedstl/ChristmasPresents20120?authkey=Gv1sRgCJK6wabPp-nSXg#
Some of the Christmas presents that are going out in the mail tomorrow.
Sure is nice 'sitting at the saw' instead of charging around a mall all day!
Thank You, Lord for opening up this wonderful hobby to me!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
http://picasaweb.google.com/grampedstl/ChristmasPresents20120?authkey=Gv1sRgCJK6wabPp-nSXg#
Some of the Christmas presents that are going out in the mail tomorrow.
Sure is nice 'sitting at the saw' instead of charging around a mall all day!
Thank You, Lord for opening up this wonderful hobby to me!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1183
The Coffee Shop / Ornament?
« on: December 15, 2010, 11:02:12 pm »
I didn't get an ORNAMENT!
I got a whole Christmas Tree!
Thank You and Merry Christmas, Judy!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
I got a whole Christmas Tree!
Thank You and Merry Christmas, Judy!
~~~GrayBeard~~~
1184
The Coffee Shop / Pedro and Rosita!
« on: December 14, 2010, 10:04:05 pm »
It was a romantic full moon when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.
"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Yeeeeeeeear!!!!!"
And WHAT were YOU thinking?
?
~~~GrayBeard~~~
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.
"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Yeeeeeeeear!!!!!"
And WHAT were YOU thinking?
?~~~GrayBeard~~~
1185
The Coffee Shop / Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth....[PG]
« on: December 14, 2010, 05:12:16 pm »
Queen Elizabeth
And
Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular
Reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
And I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of
Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush
Beats a Pair -
~~~GB~~~
And
Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular
Reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
And I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of
Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush
Beats a Pair -
~~~GB~~~
