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Topics - GrayBeard

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1096
General Scroll Saw Talk / If ANYONE picks up a virus, Trojan or....
« on: January 29, 2011, 05:18:09 pm »
other malware from opening something from this Forum...

PLEASE

Let us know!


~~~GrayBeard~~~

1097
The Coffee Shop / The Parrot and the Magician.....
« on: January 28, 2011, 12:33:43 am »
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean.

With the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day then another and another.

After a week the parrot said...

OK dammit, I give up!
Where the hell is the BOAT?

1098
The Coffee Shop / The Pregnant Lady in Court....
« on: January 27, 2011, 05:52:02 pm »

 ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

 A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
 opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another
 seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
 The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out
 laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

 The case came up in court.

 The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for
 himself.

 The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got
 on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down
 under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I
 grinned.
 
 Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's
 Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
 
Then she  placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick
 Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
 
But, Your Honor,
 when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'...
 
I just lost  it.'

 'CASE DISMISSED!!'

~~~GB~~~

1099
The Coffee Shop / "The KISS"
« on: January 26, 2011, 06:16:13 pm »
      A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

    "What are you doing?" he asks.

    "I'm going to commit  suicide," she says.

    While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
    opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a
    Kiss?"

    So, she does.

     

    After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?"

     

     

    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

~~~GrayBeard~~~

 

1100
The Coffee Shop / Prolific Paul...Pattern Purveyor!!!
« on: January 26, 2011, 11:07:33 am »
After just downloading the 'umteenth' Pattern by Grampa Paul from the "Pattern Requests" section I started thinking. (dangerous situation at best!)

I am wondering if Grampa Paul is in a Major Conspiracy with the Lumber Industry!

Grampa Paul keeps feeding us these patterns and all the while he could be investing his pounds in the Lumber Futures Market so that as we all grab the pattern and cut away he is sitting in his cottage silently smiling to himself and getting richer by the day.

Think about the possibility.
Make up patterns, put them on the forum, we grab patterns and order MORE wood so we can cut the patterns to sell and give as presents, this means WE have to buy more WOOD and Grampa Paul invests in WOOD Futures!

Almost fits the same scenario as the Printer manufacturers and the ink cartridges!

Or is he investing in HP and Lexmark? OR heaven forbid BOTH Industries!
He's becoming a millionaire by giving something away!!!!
Devious Brit!

See what happens when I start 'thinking'!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1101
Ask Steve a question. / Prolific Paul Pattern Purveyor ! ! !
« on: January 26, 2011, 11:04:22 am »
After just downloading the 'umteenth' Pattern by Grampa Paul from the "Pattern Requests" section I started thinking. (dangerous situation at best!)

I am wondering if Grampa Paul is in a Major Conspiracy with the Lumber Industry!

Grampa Paul keeps feeding us these patterns and all the while he could be investing his pounds in the Lumber Futures Market so that as we all grab the pattern and cut away he is sitting in his cottage silently smiling to himself and getting richer by the day.

Think about the possibility.
Make up patterns, put them on the forum, we grab patterns and order MORE wood so we can cut the patterns to sell and give as presents, this means WE have to by more WOOD and Grampa Paul invests in WOOD Futures!

Almost fits the same scenario as the Printer manufacturers and the ink cartridges!

Or is he investing in HP and Lexmark? OR heaven forbid BOTH Industries!
He's becoming a millionaire by giving something away!!!!
Devious Brit!

See what happens when I start 'thinking'!

~~~GrayBeard~~~
 

1102
The Coffee Shop / 3 Beer Cowboy!
« on: January 25, 2011, 04:26:34 pm »

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and  orders three mugs
of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finishes them, he comes back to the bar  and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat  after I draw
it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..'

The cowboy replies,
'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in  Arizona , the other
is in Colorado . When we all left our home in  Texas , we promised that we'd drink this
way to remember the days when we  drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my
brothers and one  for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there..

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.  He orders three
mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take  notice and fall
silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second  round, the bartender says,

'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I  wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his  eyes and he
laughs.

'Oh, no, everybody's just fine,' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and  I joined the
Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. 
Hasn't affected my brothers though."'

My Kind of Cowboy!

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1103
Swap Shop / For Sale...."Buddy" propane Heater....
« on: January 25, 2011, 01:20:58 pm »
Like new condition...outputs up to 9,000 BTU's

Uses bottled propane of you can get an adapter to use a larger tank.

$50 ... you pay shipping from the St. Louis area

I'm going to a larger heater to do the whole garage!

~~~GrayBeard~~~


1104
The Coffee Shop / "LIFE Hanbook" for 2011......
« on: January 25, 2011, 10:23:50 am »
Life Handbook for 2011

Health:

1.  Drink plenty of water.

2.  Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3.  Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4.  Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy..

5.  Make time to pray.

6.  Play more games.

7.  Read more books than you did in 2010.

8.  Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9.  Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11.  Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12.  Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.  Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13.  Don't overdo. Keep your limits.

14.  Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15.  Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16.  Dream more while you are awake.

17.  Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18.  Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19.  Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20.  Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21.  No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22.  Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23.  Smile and laugh more.

24.  You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

 Society:

25.  Call your family often.

26.  Each day give something good to others.

27.  Forgive everyone for everything.

28.  Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of  6.

29.  Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30.  What other people think of you is none of your business.

31.  Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32.  Do the right thing!

33.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34.  GOD heals everything.

35.  However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36.  No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37.  The best is yet to come.

38.  When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39.  Your inner most is always happy. So, be happy. Last but not the least:

40.  Please forward this to everyone you care about.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1105
The Coffee Shop / WOOT.com.....
« on: January 25, 2011, 01:56:11 am »
WOOT OFF in progress!!!!!

Check in frequently!

~~~GB~~~

1106
Computer questions / "Web Of Trust" addon/extension
« on: January 24, 2011, 01:11:24 pm »
Web Of Trust is a very good tool that can be added to the following web browsers...
FireFox, Google Chrome, Opera, Internet Explorer, and Mac's Safari...

http://www.mywot.com/

I have it installed on all three of the browsers on my machines.

~~~GB~~~

1107
Computer questions / Browser?
« on: January 24, 2011, 01:03:20 pm »
I seem to remember a browser used by some 'linux' uses that was very similar to Google's Chrome.

Does anyone have information on this particular software?

Also...is "Netscape" still being used and updated?

~~~GB~~~

1108
The Coffee Shop / RE: Nudemen Clock....
« on: January 24, 2011, 12:15:08 pm »
IF anyone has become 'infected' by visiting that site I am truly sorry.

FYI....

ALL messages and links both incoming and outgoing are scanned for both viruses and malware.
Nothing of any kind was reported originally and I have since checked it three times and nothing has popped up.

As a 'semi-geek' I am acutely aware that this kind of thing can transmit problems and cause serious damage so I am very careful to protect both myself and others from any infections.

Since Russ' warning I have also spent a bit of time tracking the infamous 'clock' on several search engines and have found NO references to any kind of problems being experienced by anyone visiting the site.

~~~GrayBeard~~~

1109
The Coffee Shop / Why Americans are "TOO FAT"!
« on: January 23, 2011, 09:57:10 pm »
Don't Blame me....

Here's an example.....


1110
General Scroll Saw Talk / U.S. Navy - EA-18 "Growler"
« on: January 23, 2011, 09:46:51 pm »
Awesome Aircraft! entrusted to a 24 year old Navy Pilot!!!

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