Topics

106

Computer questions / Converting from XP to Win. 7

« on: November 19, 2011, 05:23:03 pm »

Hi guys,
I'm in the process of transferring all the info from this old PC to the new laptop that has Windows 7,  64 bit VS 32 bit. I have Outlook express on the PC for my mail and I have several mail boxes that route through my ISP from our website I want to be able to send and receive from all of them but I'm not sure how to go about setting it all up. I'm thinking about contacting the ISP tech and have him walk me through it. Any suggestions? Windows 7 doesn't accept Outlook Express.
Gabby

107

The Coffee Shop / The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

« on: November 15, 2011, 11:07:15 pm »

Subject: Fwd: The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper



 
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of
$10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in
court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he
takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells
the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The
Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again
or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase,
buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says
you don't have the b@<s to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers?

  Gabby
 

108

The Coffee Shop / Ford and Renault humor

« on: November 14, 2011, 02:02:19 am »

  Gabby


Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women. Prototypes are currently being field tested.

A mix of the best features of the Renault ?Clio? and the Ford's wildly successful ?Taurus?,
the new vehicle is called the ?Clitaurus.?

Currently it is planned to only offer the vehicle in pink.  It is expected that even if the
average male car thief finds one he won't understand how turn it on,
even if he finds the owner's manual.

There are some difficulties being reported.
 
Prototypes are prone to leaking transmission fluid once a month, and they
are generally hard to start in the morning. Some reports have been received
that on cold winter mornings, when you really need a ride, you can?t get it to turn over.
 
Also, for reasons yet to be discovered, some times the cars are so noisy it is impossible
to hear the radio, yet at other times the cars become so quiet it is difficult
to tell if they are running.  Repair people are working around the clock to understand
both these issues.

While new models are initially fun to own, they rapidly become costly to maintain and
expensive to get rid of. 
 
Used models initially appear to have great curb appeal,combined with an initial low price,
but eventually an increased appetite for fuel causes the expenses and curb weight to increase
as the vehicle ages.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases as the car ages.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners may find it
best to lease one and replace it each year, avoiding any long term commitment.

109

The Coffee Shop / Shoes in church

« on: November 14, 2011, 01:53:54 am »

Got this from a good friend and decided everyone here would enjoy it.
Gabby

Shoes in Church
I showered and shaved................ I adjusted my tie.

I got there and sat................ In a pew just in time.

Bowing my head in prayer............ As I closed my eyes.

I saw the shoe of the man next to me....... Touching my own. I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side......... I thought, 'Why must our soles touch?'

It bothered me, his shoe touching mine.. But it didn't bother him much.

A prayer began: 'Our Father'............. I thought, 'This man with the shoes, has no pride.

They're dusty, worn, and scratched........ Even worse, there are holes on the side!'

'Thank You for blessings,'............ the prayer went on.

The shoe man said................. A quiet 'Amen.'

I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again..

Aren't we supposed to look our best......When walking through that door?

'Well, this certainly isn't it,' I thought,......... Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began.

The shoe man was certainly loud..... Sounding proud as he sang.

His voice lifted the rafters........ His hands were raised high.

The Lord could surely hear....... The shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering........ And what I threw in was steep.

I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.

I saw what was pulled out.......... What the shoe man put in.

Then I heard a soft 'clink' ........ As when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me.......... To tears, and that's no lie.

It was the same for the shoe man...... For tears fell from his eyes.

At the end of the service........ As is the custom here.

We must greet new visitors,........And show them all good cheer.

But I felt moved somehow........... And wanted to meet the shoe man.

So after the closing prayer........ I reached over and shook his hand.

He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.

But I thanked him for coming.......... For being our guest.

He said, 'My name is Charlie............ I'm glad to meet you, my friend.'

There were tears in his eyes......... But he had a large, wide grin..

'Let me explain,' he said............. Wiping tears from his eyes.

'I've been coming here for months...... And you're the first to say 'Hi.''

'I know that my appearance...........'Is not like all the rest.

'But I really do try....................'To always look my best.'

'I always clean and polish my shoes...'Before my very long walk.

'But by the time I get here........'They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.'

My heart filled with pain............ And I swallowed to hide my tears.

As he continued to apologize.......... For daring to sit so near.

He said, 'When I get here............'I know I must look a sight.

'But I thought if I could touch you....'Then maybe our souls might unite.'

I was silent for a moment............. Knowing whatever was said

Would pale in comparison.... I spoke from my heart, not my head.

'Oh, you've touched me,' I said.......'And taught me, in part;

'That the best of any man..............'Is what is found in his heart.'

The rest, I thought,............... This shoe man will never know.

Like just how thankful I really am.... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul.


Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend.
Someday you might feel like you have no friends at all. Just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing that someone out there cares about you.

Live each day as your last, for we never know our time here on earth. Love and Peace My Friends and remember that it is not how we look on the outside but how we look within.

110

The Coffee Shop / Elderly sex humor

« on: November 12, 2011, 07:06:24 pm »

I laughed right out loud and my wife had to come and see what was so funny, she thought it was funny too.
Not explicit.
GB put down your beverage and swallow before reading!
 
Gabby

This is too funny to be dirty -
Enjoy!



The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'


'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'


'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'


'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'


A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.


The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.


The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..


After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.


So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,




'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

111

Tutorials, Techniques and Tips / Tight turn tip from Terry

« on: November 05, 2011, 11:54:11 pm »

Terry I've never seen anyone explain that before. What a great tip!     

here it is again.
Thanks Terry, Gabby


"Finally, in making a turn just release all the push and twist force and let the blade just go up and down in the same place. Now turn the piece quickly while also ever so slightly pulling the piece back towards you.  You want to pivot on the back of the blade, not the front."

Durn, I've got all winter to wait before I can try it. 
Gabby

112

The Coffee Shop / Another Blond joke

« on: November 05, 2011, 09:30:49 pm »

It's been around a while but some may not have seen it.
G

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the 32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend! Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... her friend was, well .. blond. She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand - the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis. "Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is ... absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you! ," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

113

General Scroll Saw Talk / Christmas 2011

« on: November 05, 2011, 09:25:48 pm »

Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition
As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods -- merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!
It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?
Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?
Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.
Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.
Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamines on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.
There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.
How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?
Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.
My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.
OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.
Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre.
Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.
Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.
You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine. THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

114

The Coffee Shop / Humor Just for Marg

« on: November 01, 2011, 04:03:49 am »

Just for that Gary Grunt bit!
Take that Marg! LOL
This is a little suggestive but clean, no bad language.
Enjoy at Marg's expense. 
Gabby

Costume Party -- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!


 

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.  He, being a devoted husband, protested..... but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after napping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.


Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.


His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his  current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.  She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.


Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.   So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.   


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.


She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.  He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."






 "Did you dance much ?"





 "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.









But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."

115

The Coffee Shop / Information Please

« on: October 30, 2011, 03:37:22 am »

You may have seen this before if not you will enjoy it I'm sure.
I don't know if it's true or not and don't care either way. The moral at the end is what counts!
Gabby


THE OLD

PHONE ON THE WALL.... HELLO


When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood.... I

remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the

box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother

talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her

name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please

could supply anyone's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a

neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a

hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one

home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The

telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing

up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear.

"Information, please" I said into the

mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough

now that I had an audience.

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.

"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
 
"No,"

I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.

I said I could.
 
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice...

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything.. I asked her for

help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.

She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit

and nuts..
 
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died.. I called,

Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups

say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so

beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a

cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, " Wayne , always remember that

there are other worlds to sing in."

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."

"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?"

I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we

moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much.

"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I

somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew

into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then.

I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a

little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle .. I had about a half-

hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived

there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and

said, "Information Please."

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

"Information."

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,

"Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have

healed by now."

I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any

idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

 I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me.

I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when

I came back to visit my sister.

"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."

Three months later I was back in Seattle ..  A different voice answered,

"Information."
I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?" she said.

 "Yes, a very old friend," I answered.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this,"She said. "Sally had been working part time the last few years

because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."

Before I could hang up, she said, "

Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?" "

Yes." I answered.

"Well, Sally left a message for you.

She wrote it down in case you called.

Let me read it to you."

The note said,

"Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.

He'll know what I mean."

 
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
 

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others..

 
Whose life have you touched today?


Why not pass this on? I just did.....

 
Lifting you on eagle's wings.

May you find the joy and peace you long for.


Life is a journey... NOT a guided tour.


I loved this story and just had to pass it on.

                            I hope you enjoy it too.
 

 

116

The Coffee Shop / Slow day on the forum

« on: October 29, 2011, 10:22:41 pm »

I'm a guessin' everyone is watching the game.
Well it's over! Get back to scrollin or at least talking about it!
LOL
Gabby

117

The Coffee Shop / Naughty Humor

« on: October 29, 2011, 01:17:23 am »

L rated
Gabby

Quickie in the Bushes.

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life!!!!!!!!

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions....This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'
AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?

Told you it was L rated L= Laugh
Gabby

118

The Coffee Shop / Bunch of Chickens!

« on: October 28, 2011, 01:03:16 am »

I thought so, i'm the only one to post a baby photo in the gallery.
Buk buk bawk!
Gabby

119

The Coffee Shop / A Good Samaritan strikes again!

« on: October 23, 2011, 02:09:39 am »

I have to report I must be doing something right.
As you might recall I was looking for a cheap laptop as a backup for my old desk top unit.
Well my longest time friend (Since I was 13 or so) passed through here and heard about my problem, he recommended me to a computer repair man friend of his, nothing was cheap enough mostly re furb's at what you could get a new cheap one on line. Over 200 bucks, way out of my reach!
Friday after returning home from senior center on my front step was a box, I wondered who it was for, knowing I hadn't ordered anything for my wife or me larger than a coffee mug.
Brought it in and the box was from HP Compaq. There was a card from my friend.
He'd decided to help out his "Old Friend". You could have knocked me over with a feather, I had no idea he was going to do that. Wow I have some of the BEST FRIENDS in the world!
A couple of them are here in this forum.
Damn I'm getting a lump in my throat.
All I can say is thank you and God Bless you all!
Gabby

120

General Scroll Saw Talk / Wood Dyes

« on: October 19, 2011, 12:50:03 am »

Thought y'all might like to see this. Click on the little box that says "samples" looks pretty good.
Gabby
http://www.woodturnerscatalog.com/store/Decorative_Materials___Coloring___Artisan_Dyes___artisan_dye?Args=