106
News: Had a couple issues with the forum today. 1/19/2017. I believe I have them corrected now. Let me know if you have any trouble. Thanks.
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107
The Coffee Shop / Grandpa's Tax Audit.....
« on: June 25, 2013, 11:40:13 pm »
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ?Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explainby saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure
the IRS finds that believable.?
I'm a great gambler and I can prove it, says Grandpa. How about a demonstration? The auditor thinks for a moment and said, Okay. Go ahead.
Grandpa says, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye. The auditor thinks a moment and says, It's a bet.Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye. Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand - with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Want to go double or nothing? Grandpa says, I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk, unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. Are you okay? the auditor asks.
Not really, says the attorney. This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!
I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!
Put another way ? Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time!
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ?Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explainby saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure
the IRS finds that believable.?
I'm a great gambler and I can prove it, says Grandpa. How about a demonstration? The auditor thinks for a moment and said, Okay. Go ahead.
Grandpa says, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye. The auditor thinks a moment and says, It's a bet.Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye. Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand - with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Want to go double or nothing? Grandpa says, I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk, unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. Are you okay? the auditor asks.
Not really, says the attorney. This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!
I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!
Put another way ? Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time!
108
General Scroll Saw Talk / Forstner Bit Sale!
« on: June 21, 2013, 04:44:45 pm »
At PeachTree.....http://www.ptreeusa.com/edirect_062113.htm
109
The Coffee Shop / I'm outta here!!!
« on: June 20, 2013, 09:16:18 pm »
Time to hit the sack and get ready to roll.....
5:30 a.m. tomorrow I will be off with S.O. to the Rockies to visit my daughter and family and then to spend 6 days with the S.O.'s kids & grandkids in Estes Park.
We are driving and first stop is Hays, KS tomorrow night. Of course predicted temp is 99? so we will get out of the car & head for the pool/lounge upon arrival.
Next stop is my daughter's house in Littleton, CO. Spend the night there and then off to Estes Park just outside Rocky Mountain Nat'l Park.
6 glorious days walking and gazing at the wonderful "Rockies".
I really need this!
Will report in as I am able and will even include a photo or 2!!!
~~~GB~~~
5:30 a.m. tomorrow I will be off with S.O. to the Rockies to visit my daughter and family and then to spend 6 days with the S.O.'s kids & grandkids in Estes Park.
We are driving and first stop is Hays, KS tomorrow night. Of course predicted temp is 99? so we will get out of the car & head for the pool/lounge upon arrival.
Next stop is my daughter's house in Littleton, CO. Spend the night there and then off to Estes Park just outside Rocky Mountain Nat'l Park.
6 glorious days walking and gazing at the wonderful "Rockies".
I really need this!
Will report in as I am able and will even include a photo or 2!!!
~~~GB~~~
112
The Coffee Shop / Try this....
« on: June 17, 2013, 02:59:50 pm »
It might work! It does for my computer.....
113
The Coffee Shop / iS it just me or.....
« on: June 17, 2013, 02:17:39 pm »
are the "Scrolling" magazines catering to the Intarsia artists more and more and more and .....
Feeling very much like I should just let the subscriptions drop!
~~~GB~~~
Feeling very much like I should just let the subscriptions drop!
~~~GB~~~
115
General Scroll Saw Talk / New Product...E6000 Spray Adhesive...
« on: June 14, 2013, 12:52:58 pm »116
The Coffee Shop / New 'cowhand' in town....
« on: June 11, 2013, 11:09:53 pm »
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?! he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, an if my horse ain't back by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender went out and asked, "Say partner, before you ride off...what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?! he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, an if my horse ain't back by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender went out and asked, "Say partner, before you ride off...what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
117
The Coffee Shop / Happy Birthday...Dan Gallo!
« on: June 11, 2013, 01:12:24 am »
I know I am 2 hours early in your zone but I am about to doze off and wanted to do the Birthday Wish!
Hope you have a great day.....
~~~GB~~~
Hope you have a great day.....
~~~GB~~~
119
The Coffee Shop / My new shower curtain....
« on: June 09, 2013, 09:50:37 pm »
I got it cheap from the "Bates Hotel"!
